Also, I am about 45 people away from 20,000 subscribers here, which is seriously unbelievable. I cannot thank you all enough for the ways this project has changed my life, and when I return from my travels I will definitely be taking some more time to reflect on what this journey has meant to me.

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I have a few articles scheduled while I’m away, but there are so many AMAZING things happening I couldn’t wait to send out a quick roundup of some great news stories before I leave!

• Georgia’s legislative session has now ended, and advocates managed to defeat EVERY ANTI-QUEER BILL!! This wasn’t by accident or by default. This was HARD WORK. Well done, Georgia!! Here’s their breakdown for how they did it:

• Children’s Hospital of Minnesota, the largest provider of pediatric care in the state, has restarted their gender affirming care program in the wake of RFK’s court loss on his attempts to threaten hospital funding over trans affirming healthcare. https://www.advocate.com/health/transgender-health/childrens-minnesota-restores-trans-care Hopefully more hospitals follow their lead!

• In Wisconsin, despite spending on anti-trans attack ads, the state supreme court election secured a liberal majority for at least the next TEN YEARS! https://boltsmag.org/wisconsin-supreme-court-election-2026-taylor-wins/

• In Georgia, a special election for Marjorie Taylor Greene’s open seat (bye felicia!!! Her departure is its own victory) was MUCH closer than republicans wanted. While the seat stayed red, her district was known for being one of the reddest in the country—but it moved to the left by 25 POINTS!

The Downballot

Morning Digest: Liberals expand majority on Wisconsin Supreme Court

Leading Off…

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4 days ago · 104 likes · 210 comments · Jeff Singer

• In Festus, Missouri, the city council recently held a vote on bringing an unpopular, water/power draining data center to town. In the elections that followed, all four incumbents that voted yes on the data center lost their seats to pro-transparency, anti-data center candidates! https://www.stlpr.org/government-politics-issues/2026-04-08/6b-data-center-festus-voters-oust-every-incumbent-council-member

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• On Wednesday, a federal judge denied the administration’s request to stay a preliminary injunction that bars federal officials from conditioning or terminating funding for health care providers based on their provision of gender-affirming care to patients under 19. Hospitals will remain protected and care can legally continue!

• Idaho banned the pride flag, so Boise wrapped the light posts and lit the state house up in pride colors in protest.

Erin In The Morning

Idaho Banned The Pride Flag. So Boise Wrapped the Flagpoles Themselves In Pride Colors.

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2 days ago · 381 likes · 19 comments · s. baum

• While the Trump administration is attempting to roll back support for trans students, more and more school districts are saying loud and clear that they won’t leave trans students behind. Mesa County in California is the latest of many. https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/federal-title-ix-rolls-back-transgender-student-protections/509-a48edcce-1e25-4f0b-b038-a08a0a24c705

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• The EU’s high court has ruled that all EU member states are obligated to recognize the identity documents of transgender individuals who have earned legal gender recognition in another EU state. This is a huge win for transgender Europeans!!!

ALSO. Last thing. I have had a lot of people reaching out to me directly, or posting on social media, trying to get trans people to absolve them of their guilt for watching the new HP show. I will respond to you all in bulk here (and can write something longer about it later, if there’s interest).

1. If you want to ask a trans person to make you feel better about giving money to JK Rowling, you must pay us at least 15 dollars for psychic damage first.

2. I know it hurts so badly!! I see you in that hurt. I am right here with you. Nearly every queer kid I know fell totally in love with the story of an outsider being the hero who saves the day. This whole mess breaks my heart and it’s okay to feel sad about it!

3. If you want to give money to JK through supporting her work, I recommend giving at least $20 to the organizations helping to support trans people in the UK whose lives she is working very, very hard to ruin.

   1. https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/

   2. https://transactual.org.uk/

4. If you are feeling unsure, or don’t understand why everyone is so mad at JK Rowling for being “mean on twitter”, learn more first. https://theweek.com/feature/1020838/jk-rowlings-transphobia-controversy-a-complete-timeline

5. Ultimately, so so many actions can be traced back to harm directed at different marginalized groups. We cannot be perfect, we cannot avoid inadvertent harm. If you feel SO strongly that you want to watch the show, I don’t actually care. Just please stop telling trans people about it! Make it your guilty pleasure and keep it to yourself.

6. There are SO MANY great queer and trans affirming witchy books, shows, and movies to engage with instead. My personal favorite is “Her Majesty’s Royal Coven.” What’s your favorite?

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Ok that’s all I have!!! I am off to begin my out of office adventures in trans rights in the Baltics, and I’ll see you all in a few weeks!

All my love,

Ben

The festival isn’t over!! There are recordings of the previous shows from last week, a week of additional performances, workshops, and a community day next Saturday. There are still many ways to engage from all over the world.

Check it out!

Throughout the weekend, I had the chance to interview writers, performers, producers, and Laser Weber: the creator of the entire magical experience. When Laser first came up with the idea for the festival, it was as a kind of “carbon offset” for the arrival of a theatrical production by She Who Shall Not Be Named.

“What if we flier outside of the Harry Potter play, and we say, ‘Just pay extra. Like, pay the cost of that ticket and come see a trans play.’ I put a call out to friends, to ask if anybody wanted to do a show, and it was a lot more people than I expected. Last year, we did 30 shows—it was a full month. This year we’re doing 40 shows in two weeks, because everybody’s crazy.”

Originally, Laser thought it would be a one time thing, but the more people he met and the more impact they saw, they realized it needed to become something long term. What they’ve built is nothing short of incredible.

(P.S. If you insist on watching the new HP show, you can “carbon offset” it by buying the full access pass to the whole festival! https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/ticketing/digital-ticket-bundle-joy-who-lived)

Because I love trans theater and I’m a big proponent of “go big or go home”, I attended almost every show this weekend. I was there for nearly 10 hours both Saturday and Sunday, and it was magnificent.

I interviewed lots of artists while I was there (and I wish I could include the full transcript of every one. Everyone I met was BRILLIANT and so talented!!) and Summer Benson gave me one of my favorite quotes of the weekend. I asked them: “Why trans art? Why now?” and they laughed a bit and responded: “why take your next breath? You know, it just kinda feels like a natural thing to do, and I just feel like it’s needed. I mean, the house is packed. Everyone’s here. This festival is so successful for a reason. It’s because trans people need these stories. Non-trans people need these stories, too.”

I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes the world hurts. A lot. For me, this festival was medicine.

Kid Power!

Kid power kicked us off on Saturday afternoon. Sitting in a room full of trans and queer kids belly laughing, queer families surrounded by joy, healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed healing.

We spent 90 minutes being delighted by stand up, improv, songs about becoming, and a very very popular ostrich puppet from a sketch about figuring out who you are.

Afterwards I spoke to a number of families about what it meant to them to be there. Many of them shared a similar sentiment with me: this festival was a pushback against the narrow fear of what queer art can be and what it means to be a queer kid. This was something radically different, fun and playful and deeply gentle. To be a trans kid means to be silly and curious and loving and this show was defined by that, instead of the stupid debates that attempt to flatten or erase our lives.

Next up was the short play incubator, an amazing collection of short plays from new Playwrites. These shows were unbelievable, so hilarious, so special, and deeply, deeply trans. I particularly enjoyed seeing trans art without any ham-fisted need to make our stories palatable, add in definitions, or help people make sense of our experiences. We made this to make sense of ourselves!

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Throughout the weekend, I was struck by the enthusiasm, creativity, weirdness, playfulness, and trust that the space encouraged. All of this was by design. When Petey Gibson, one of the producers for the festival, was telling me about the things that excite him most about the festival, it was the community aspect that truly lit him up.

The festival wasn’t alcohol-centered, it wasn’t simply a matter of show up, watch your show, and leave. There was constant gathering, community building, feedback, even a game show that turned on the house lights and requested the audience members turn to each other and offer an earnest, genuine compliment as loudly as they could.

Everything from the bowl of immigration alert whistles to the mask policies the accessible seating deepens the feeling that community means showing up for each other every way we know how. Even the walls of a theater were decorated with portraits of trans artists and performers from today and from decades and centuries before, reminding us that we have always been here, we have always been beautiful.

The intentionality of the festival also celebrated the beautiful diversity of what it meant to be trans. Different bodies, ages, and stories, talked about transness not as a universal commonality shared in a vacuum but as something that enriches and is enriched by experiences of neurodivergence, blackness, disability, womanhood, and more. In a space where we didn’t need to prioritize whether cis people would understand our experiences, we had the safety to dive into far messier conversations. Stories about a Korean trans twink trying to outrun his twink death, (title: The Twink Death of the Universe. Trans people are so freakin’ funny.) or an audience participation adventure in learning to ask for help for a group of shape shifting high school students, or finding forgiveness for fathers who never saw us.

One of the things that I noticed the most as I went through the festival and that started to work its way into my interviews was realizing that for so many people, this festival was a launch pad, a realization of what’s possible. When I spoke to Matt Pasini, they told me before the festival they weren’t feeling sure what their career could look like as a trans actor, but after performing they realized there was so much more they could do. Their energy for making trans art was deeply refilled.

One artist, Xander Pretti, summed up the experience of the festival gorgeously: “When people are given the space to see all possibilities, they feel freedom to be themselves. I hope trans actors saw this and said, ‘there are roles for me.’ There are people who are creating for me, there is space for trans directors. I just want people to know that there is a space to put up their work.”

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So many of these writers and dreamers and performers left the festival with big plans for what comes next. Book releases, pilot pitches, festival circuits, so much of which can be exhausting as a trans artist. And yet so many of the artists I spoke to were leaving feeling energized, reminded that while it can be exhausting trying to sell trans art to cis producers and cis audiences. Art by, for, and about our community is incredibly beautiful and has a place in the world.

The audiences didn’t just cheer their hearts out at the end of every show. We waited around outside after every show to cheer every actor, writer, and techie on their way out the door. This festival gave countless trans artists, both who were a part of the festival and just sitting in the crowd, a much needed dose of healing, energy and encouragement before getting back to the grind. On my way out last night, as I was feeling giddy with the realization that I couldn’t leave before doing the rounds to say goodbye to all my new friends, I gave Petey a hug and told him how proud I was of the ridiculous game show he’d just hosted and the festival he’d helped to put together. And he grinned at me and said, “we’ve got a hell of a fight ahead of us. We need this joy if we’re gonna be able to win,” and I couldn’t agree more.

Especially for my allies who read this newsletter, for people who are deeply, deeply frightened about trans people in the present day. I want us to make a regular habit of channeling that energy instead towards brilliant trans futures. Fear energizes us to play defense, but that won’t add up too much if we don’t also build the capacity to dream of something far more beautiful.

Check out the bundle!!

Here’s a great link to get a bundle of access to the recordings, and your money will go to paying trans artists and making sure we can make EVEN MORE TRANS ART!!

Until next time.

All my love and all my joy, Ben

(P.S. This article is my first foray into more formal reporting that I’d love to continue doing more of. Forgive me while I work out how to do this as a one-man team! If you catch errors, loved this new style, or have ideas/questions/concerns/complaints please let me know!)

• Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers has vetoed 5 anti-trans bills!

• The AMA has fully and deeply reaffirmed their support for gender affirming care!

• A powerful transmasc athlete trio has placed third in the ironman triathlon this weekend!

• Florida had two great special election flips, including the district where trump lives!! For all those keeping score at home, these marked the 29th and 30th seat flips for democrats since 2024. Republicans have flipped 0 seats.

What did I miss? What good news has happened in your community this week?

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Iowan Adventures!

As many of you might be aware, one of the central components of my job is that I’m a public speaker. I travel around the country and around the world (next week’s trip is to Lithuania!!) I tell my story, share strategies for allyship, and get to meet fascinating people. Sometimes these efforts take me through a variety of Zoom calls with companies, or quick in-and-out visits for a live event.

Other times, they involve a deeper dive into a certain region or community. Last fall, after a particularly beautiful trip all over the Midwest and North Carolina, I wrote this article, which I learned was quite meaningful to many of the folks that read it.

Often, no matter where I am, the people I talk to describe themselves to me as being in a bubble, feeling that they are isolated in caring in a sea of states or counties or cities or people that are full of hate.

But I’m constantly going outside of that bubble, finding love, and finding people who feel they too are alone. I just returned from a beautiful five day excursion of constant bubble popping all around Southeast Iowa, and I’m eager to tell you about it. The trip was planned and advertised by a wonderful gentleman named Paul, who’s both a new friend and a true friend.

He poured more hours than I can know into marketing and planning these events all over the state, ranging for media interviews, radio appearances, wallpapering flyers with my face in his town and the towns that surrounded it. While I expected the visit to be pretty good, nothing could have prepared me for the ways I felt so deeply and fully wrapped in love over the course of this trip.

The events themselves were wonderful. They were full of trans people and their families and allies. Gatherings of community members, grandparents, many, many pastors, and curious neighbors. There were even a number of courageous folks for whom transgender was a totally new word.

Most of the events were a part of my quest to give a free presentation for every PFLAG chapter in the country. These were numbers 195, 196, and 197. (If you’re with a PFLAG chapter and want to be number 200, email me!!). Unlike some of my more typical PFLAG events, these were also deeper partnerships with many other local organizations.

On Friday night, the local Democratic Party and Indivisible Chapters billed my event as No Kings Eve. On Saturday, we gathered for the 22nd annual “unique and united” conference at a local university that celebrated the wide range of communities and stories represented in Iowa. On the way to one of our events on Sunday, we detoured to do some solidarity honking for a local visibility protest that gathers every single week. Afterwards, many of the ralliers joined us for the talk.

It wasn’t just the events… it was the people

I learned about how the community had been mobilizing against ICE in defense of their immigrant neighbors for well over a year. In Iowa City, we hung out with some local punks who taught us about how much of the organizing in the city happens through the punk scene. There were pride flags and queer folks in all the places we travelled. We talked about how frightened and angry they were about state legislation, and how much they loved their city anyways. How beautiful it is to be able to stay and fight.

Speaking of visibility, in our entire time driving hundreds of miles through the countryside, in total, I believe I saw one single Trump sign. I was surprised and asked my host about it, and he mentioned that a number of them have been coming down over the course of the year, which lines up perfectly with this article I read from Rural Missouri organizer, Jess Piper, a few weeks ago.

The View from Rural Missouri by Jess Piper

Signs of the Times

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a month ago · 1810 likes · 216 comments · Jess Piper

Beyond the events themselves, the weekend was a study in rest.

I learned about transcendental meditation, which Fairfield, Iowa, it turns out, is a hotspot for.

I got to meet a brilliant human, poet, organizer, musician, and unbelievable chef named Toussaint St. Negritude, whose van broke down in Des Moines. He, alongside me, was going through a radical shift in understanding what Iowa was all about. When we weren’t at events, myself, my hosts, and our collection of new friends would spend time going for long walks to learn about bird watching or sitting out under the stars with hot tea. At one point, we canceled plans to go out to a bar and instead sat on Paul’s couch wrapped up in blankets and tenderly took turns reading our poetry to one another.

I lost my computer for a couple of days and took that as a cue from the universe that it was time to take a break. It was magnificent. I cross-stitched. I read my book. I walked the land. I had hours long conversations with so many people, exchanging ideas, debating theories, talking ourselves towards the future. What were we each fighting for? What were we afraid of? What were we hopeful about?

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All in, this trip was a beautiful reminder of humanity’s goodness in a sea of reminders that I’m so fortunate I get to experience through my work, and that I get to share with you all through my platform here. We are absolutely surrounded by good people. You are not in a bubble. You are surrounded by systems that want you to believe you are alone, by gerrymanderers who want you to believe that certain states are hopeless wastelands, by companies and oligarchs dead set on the divide and conquer strategy of wealth concentration. But the regular people with whom we share this planet, by and large, are good. We cannot be afraid to go out and look for them.

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This year there have been SO many amazing trans books that’ve come out, I am so excited to share how much literary trans brilliance there is in the world surrounding us. If there are recommendations that I miss, please let me know your favorites in the comments!

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Before we get into the list, We have another direct volunteer ask! This time, we’re looking for support from Camp Lavender, an incredible summer camp for trans kids in Northern California. They are looking for a few additional workshop presenters to come and hang out with some trans kids for an hour or two in late July. I joined virtually last year, and it was incredibly meaningful. This year, I’ll be attending in person!

They are first and foremost looking for someone with an expertise in trans history beyond Stonewall who would be willing to volunteer their time to come chat with the kids. If you have a different area of expertise you’d like to bring, they would also love to hear from you! f you have questions or want more information, feel free to send me a message and I’ll connect you with the great folks over there.

Do you have a direct volunteer ask? Let me know and I’d be THRILLED to share it!

Let’s get into the books!

There are so many genres and vibes for books, so I’ll do my best to sort them into the following categories:

Fiction: Literary, romance, WEIRD, Graphic novel, sci-fi, fantasy, and Young Adult

Non-Fiction: Memoir/biography, history, allyship

Let’s get to it, nerds!!

Literary & Book Club Fiction:

• Lilac People by Milo Todd: a beautiful story of community, love, pain, and survival set in WW2 Berlin.

• Woodworking by Emily St. James: a hilarious, gorgeous, MESSY story of a trans woman finding herself as a teacher in small town South Dakota

• Confessions of the Fox by Jordy Rosenberg: Trans man in academia is slowly radicalized while writing a dissertation on a trans historical figure. A phenomenal, magical realism historical adventure with a whole second plot in the footnotes.

Romance:

• The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman: gay baseball romance with a trans narrator. I LOVE getting to see a trans man be treated as handsome and desirable instead of as a sexuality experiment.

• A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall: transfemme regency romance? A Duke falls in love with a beautiful woman and doesn’t realize she is his long lost best friend who transitioned years ago? STUNNING

• A Shot in the Dark by Victoria Lee: Mysterious artists, forbidden romances, and beautifully fleshed out characters. This was the first book I ever read with a trans man as a romantic lead and it blew my mind.

Weird:

• Crawl by Max Delsohn: Short story collection about being transmasculine in Seattle in the 2010s. This book is DELIGHTFULLY strange

• Future Feelings by Joss Lake: “An embittered dog walker obsessed with a social media influencer inadvertently puts a curse a young man—and must adventure into mysterious dimension in order to save him.” This book is CRAZY. I love it.

• Stag Dance by Torrey Peters: This short story collection includes some delightfully effed up explorations of transness, femininity, masculinity, and what happens when you let lumberjacks dress up as women.

• Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor: gender-bending shapeshifter Paul takes a journey through gender, sexuality, and activism across the queer landscape of the 90s.

• And the inventor of the weird trans books genre: Nevada by Imogen Binnie!!

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  Graphic Novel:

This is the genre I know least about and I got some recs from a few friends. Let me know what your favorites are!

• Boys Weekend by Mattie Lunchansky: Final girl horror about a trans femme at a bachelor party gone wrong? Sign me UP!

• Nimona by ND Stevenson: Described as A Subversive Graphic Novel Adventure About Villainy, Identity, and Unexpected Loyalty. COOL!!

• Across a Field of Starlight by Blue Delliquanti: Described as an “epic sci-fi romance between two non binary characters”

Sci-Fi/Fantasy:

• A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers: A Nonbinary tea monk learns to take a break (I am obsessed with this book. As far as I know, Becky Chambers is the only non-trans author on this list, but this book is so beautifully written and so special to me I couldn’t NOT recommend it!)

• Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki: a demon attempts to get a young transfemme violinist to sign a deal with the devil for talent, and instead builds a chosen family. Also, donuts?

• The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin: A masterclass in science fiction/fantasy worldbuilding. Classic epic sci-fi/fantasy with some incredible undertones of overthrowing the empire.

Young Adult:

• Pet and Bitter (both by Akwaeke Emezi): Phenomenal books about monstrosity, transness, trust. and the role of artists in the revolution

• The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas: Imagine the hunger games. Now make it trans. Now make it inspired by Mexican folklore. Now make it magic. Sold yet?

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Nonfiction!

Memoir/Biography:

• Pretty by ! And look at the new cover for the paperback!! And if you like this one... check them out at the Being Alive Book Club! Next week!!

• We Both Cried Out in Pleasure, Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan: Reading this made me feel so real, so much like I exist and have always existed. Diaries of a trans man living through the AIDS epidemic.

• Marsha! By Tourmaline! More biography than Memoir, but holy cow does this book deliver. Everyone has finally started to give Marsha her roses, but Tourmaline finally gives her a voice to tell her entire story. I love this book so much.

Allyship:

• My Child is Trans, Now What? By Ben Greene: Does this sound familiar? Good! (I’m biased because I wrote it)

• He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar: One of the most phenomenal overall guides to allyship that I’ve read. A great rec for your family members new to the allyship journey!

History:

• So Many Stars, an Oral History of Trans, Non-binary, Genderqueer and Two Spirit People of Color by Caro de Robertis: I’m in the middle of this right now. My God, this is a balm. Reading these stories, feeling this love, this book is a gift.

• Before Gender, Lost Stories from Trans History 1850-1950 by Eli Erlick: That’s right!!! We’ve been here since at LEAST the 1850s (and you know it’s been longer). This book is coming up FAST on my TBR.

• Miss Major Speaks by Toshio Meronek and Miss Major: Described as “A legendary transgender elder and activist reflects on a lifetime of struggle and the future of black, queer, and trans liberation”. This is sitting on my desk waiting for me. I know I will be changed by what I read.

I love when I get to do these kinds of roundups and I know that there are more trans books than I will ever be able to read. What a gift. What’s your favorite or most anticipate trans read this year?

Happy reading, nerds!!

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First off: Earlier this year, a coalition of 21 states + DC sued the federal government over RFK’s declaration including misinformation about gender affirming care and a thinly veiled threat for children’s hospitals to cease gender affirming care or lose medicaid funding.

Earlier today, a federal judge agreed that this was overstepping, poor procedure, and concerningly undemocratic. To quote the judge: “The notion that ‘I will go forward and issue a declaration and see if we can get away with it’ is not a principle of governance that adheres to the overarching commitment to a democratic republic that requires the rule of law to be regarded and respected and honored as a sacred.”

While the full impact of the ruling is yet to be seen, hopefully this will provide encouragement for Children’s Hospitals to continue providing SAFE, LEGAL, BEST PRACTICE MEDICAL CARE!!

This is RFK’s second loss this week after a judge in Boston blocked may of his changes to vaccine policies. While these rulings are likely to be appealed, they are a phenomenal way to mitigate harm, as well as waste time, resources, and morale in these agencies!! (More on the lawsuits: AP)

Now, a moment of joy to continue sitting with this celebratory feeling. Behold: One minute of trans people laughing. I didn’t know how badly I needed this until I sat down and watched the whole thing. Then I watched it again. I am smiling with my entire body.

How about some wins for democracy? Check out this update from Run For Something, a recap of all the amazing young progressives they’re training to run for office around the country (they just topped 200 CANDIDATES for this year and it’s still March!)

Run for Something feel-good updates

RFS feel-good update (3/16): 62 new leaders!

Hi all …

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a month ago · 21 likes · Amanda Litman

How about some international wins? Today, a Polish court ruled that a gay couple married in Germany must have their marriage recognized in Poland! (More: LGBTQ+Nation)

How about some Rural wins? I keep mentally coming back to this amazing article by Jess Piper from earlier this week (I think everything she writes is amazing, actually). I love this piece on the quiet but visible ways red state and rural culture is shifting.

The View from Rural Missouri by Jess Piper

Signs of the Times

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25 days ago · 1679 likes · 210 comments · Jess Piper

How about some student wins? Jeffco, Colorado is just the latest in a growing line of school districts telling the Department of Education to GET LOST!! When the DOE demanded they enforce discriminatory policies against their trans students, they refused.

Erin In The Morning

JeffCo Public Schools In Colorado Defies Trump: "No Basis" To Ban Trans Students From Bathrooms, Sports

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25 days ago · 511 likes · 25 comments · Erin Reed

Everywhere you look, there is resistance, there is beauty. It’s amazing.

As you go into this weekend, please do not stop looking for victories, for joy, for opportunities to come together and hold one another and to keep fighting.

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That’s all for now! With all my love,

Ben

The past two weeks have felt like their own full year to me. Anyone else? Full humanity on display here, it’s been an incredibly difficult stretch. This week in particular was one of the hardest I’ve had in a while.

Real quick before we get into the meat of the article: I’m going to be hosting a FREE event together with PFLAG National that was designed for PFLAG members (but is open to anyone!) on how to lead with joy to drive meaningful change. It will be an open, engaging session on how we can build movements that last and take care of ourselves and each other while we do it. The session will be on March 24th at 5:30PM PST!

Register now!

(If you want to support me as a human but don’t want to read a whole article, I’d love it if you would leave a comment/restack/reply with your favorite picture of your pet or a beautiful nature photo you’ve taken. These always make me smile.)

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For a minute there, I chalked my struggles up to something chemical. I told some of the folks in my support system that I was in “pre-depression”: some of the symptoms were starting to show up in a very real way, but it wasn’t too late to intervene. I knew I was at a turning point for either getting better or getting worse, and I knew that I couldn’t sustain how I was feeling, but I still assumed it was simply that sometimes brains get depressed (which they do!).

Yesterday, I talked to a whole collection of trans folks I love deeply and all of them voiced similar feelings: the past two weeks have felt particularly heavy, frightening, disheartening, etc. Even if they didn’t name the news, even if they tried to have good boundaries, transphobia was still a heavy shadow looming over all of us.

When my wife and I went for our evening walk, I had a moment of clarity I’d been sorely lacking. I had perhaps been assuming that being empowered to take action, setting boundaries with my news intake, taking time to focus on good news, etc. were CURES to fear and hopelessness. Foolishly, I thought that I had been sorted into the category of “people who are not emotionally impacted by the news”. Sometimes, I think my work here contributes to that. I’ve built a brand (that I’m incredibly proud of, and that I still stand by fully, don’t worry) based on being someone who fights for joy and for hope. For many people, I am the canary in the coal mine.

Generally, it’s really meaningful to me to be that source of light. I love it. But it also creates some difficulty with asking for help. Some people hear that I have a bad day and dismiss it outright: “you’re the good news guy! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll feel better soon!” Others immediately take my struggle as a sign of the end times: “if Ben is struggling, things must be really bad. There’s no hope for the rest of us.”

Some of these are things folks have actually said to me. Others, I think, are expectations that I put on myself.

SO I have decided to spend today’s newsletter talking about bad days. I want to open up conversations around mental health, wash away guilt any of us might feel on the days we struggle, and tie things back to hope and joy as I always do.

First, to get some strong words on the page that I need to hear, and maybe you do, too:

Being hopeful and joyful does NOT mean never having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad month.

Choosing to be joyful does NOT mean pretending not to struggle.

NO ONE benefits from you pretending to be joyful all the time.

Struggling with mental health is NOT a sign that it is time to give up.

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What does it tell us when we struggle?

I’ve been holding a quote from the incredible advocate Valerie Kaur very close in my heart lately:

All of a sudden, the perspective shifts. The heaviness I am carrying in my heart is not a chemical failing; it is the beautiful, horrible, divine, connective magic of what it means to be a human who can still care. In the face of a regime trying to keep us so overwhelmed that we run out of energy to care about one another—and trying to build policy that insists we throw countless others onto the sacrificial altar of “growth”—holding deep love for the world around me is an incredible act of resistance.

This pain won’t, and can’t, come up with every issue. I think if I tried to hold the grief of every person in the world, I would collapse (as many of us have likely experienced), but total indifference won’t help either. What matters is finding a middle ground where we can genuinely, deeply, profoundly feel the hurt that is around us, then we can heal from it and get back to work building something better.

This is what it means to me to be oriented towards joy. I am not pretending that I don’t struggle, I am staring into my pain to ask “what does this teach me about being human? Where do we go from here?”

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The difference between pain and hopelessness

Lately, Kansas has been incredibly heavy on my heart. The fear that many trans people I love are experiencing is ratcheted up to terrible, unsustainable levels. To be clear, do I think things in Kansas are hopeless? Do I think things are on an irreversible slide towards disaster? No! I know we will keep fighting, we will find ways to survive. But I ALSO know this will be incredibly frightening, isolating, and painful while we fight that battle. Both things can be true at once: I can grieve with Kansas, I can know we will keep fighting back.

I’ve been feeling lots of big emotions as I stare down this latest fight: anger, exhaustion, fear, frustration, judgment, but never hopelessness. The reality is that I have no idea what is going to happen. It would be pure hubris to pretend otherwise. But I think Rebecca Solnit puts it better than I ever could:

Hope and action feed on each other. I am hopeful because I take action. I take action because I am hopeful. I do not know how things will work out, but the only way to guarantee an ending is to give up and walk away. That said, the deeper we get into despair or depression (which are different from each other!) the harder it can be to motivate ourselves to take action. Not just action for change, either. Actions like going for a walk, taking a shower, calling a friend. So how do we pull ourselves out?

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Using Joy to Heal

There’s a song I love for when I’m going through a difficult time. If you’re struggling right now, I’d recommend giving it a listen. (IT IS NOT CHILD APPROPRIATE, DESPITE THE CUTESY TITLE)

My favorite line from the song:

But here’s the thing: No one ever got happier sitting around waiting to get happier…

Every day we wake up and we get out of bed

And we get dressed

And we clean up last night’s mess

And we keep doing these things, not because they’re guaranteed to make us feel good

But because failing to do them?

Guaranteed to make us feel bad!

Being oriented towards joy also means treating myself with the same profound love I am trying to bring towards every other human being. I’ve been giving myself a lot of tenderness and asking “what do I need?” a lot. Honestly, most times I’ve asked lately I haven’t known the answer. So I’ve been trying stuff, because the depression tells me that I don’t want to do anything, that I just need to lie down and rest, and I know for me that seductive voice is trying to make things so much worse.

Here are some things I’ve been trying to do a little extra lately:

• Texting a friend to ask them to send me funny pictures they’ve taken lately

• Calling a friend to ask them to force me to go to the gym while we’re on the phone

• Committing to eating three meals a day, no matter what they are I cannot avoid eating

• Closing my eyes to listen to music that moves me, or albums I associate with better days

• Asking an artistic friend to help me do more low-stakes visual art

• NOT CANCELLING PLANS!!! Unless I can justify what need will be met by cancelling, which I never can.

• Trying to find a new therapist in California

• Telling my friends that I am struggling so they are aware

• Setting up plans to co-work, body double for cleaning, or otherwise just be around other people

• Trying out some new tarot threads to help me figure out what was hurting so badly

• Constantly blasting the album “Secret to Life” by FIZZ and dancing, singing, spinning along to it

I can’t say any of these individually have “fixed” where I am. I’m in the steep uphill part of “getting better”, to be honest. But I’m walking towards it. I am making sure people that I love know that I am walking, so I don’t have to do it alone.

If you love a trans person, make sure they know it a little extra this week.

A few other resources for folks who are struggling, or folks who want to know how to better help their loved ones:

For all the folks reading this who are struggling in their own way, know that I am right here with you. I see you, I love you, and it won’t feel like this forever. We will keep walking together. Ever forward.

All my love,

Ben

I’ve been spending the week steeping myself in scholarship about hope in preparation for [REDACTED]. (Keep your eyes on your inbox for some GREAT news coming in the next few weeks 😉). So much of what I’m reading is landing with me so beautifully.

To quote the incredible book “How to Be Hopeful, Empowering Practices to Overcome Despair and Act for Climate Justice”:

Or to quote the brilliant Rebecca Solnit:

I am joyful and hopeful not because I know that everything will work out in the end. I am hopeful because the only way to truly guarantee a certain end result is not to try at all. Carrying on is my only option. I am proud to carry that torch.

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Good Queer Actions!

Folks loved last week when I helped connect people with specific skills to specific needs, so I’m doing it again! I am searching for people with basic Video editing skills & software! The Mama Dragons, an amazing organization supporting parents of LGBTQ+ youth, is working to develop a large-scale educational library on supporting queer and trans youth. They have a huge collection of recorded live zoom events, but those recordings currently contain names and faces of members and to protect their privacy, they are looking for help removing or blurring those individuals from the recordings.

If you are interested in helping out, send me a message and I’ll get you connected! If you are part of an organization or project in need of volunteers with specific skills, please let me know so I can uplift your ask in my next newsletter!

So much good queer news!

Let’s start with the scouts! Last week, Pete Hegseth (I like to boo his name like Haman. Happy belated Purim!!) put out a video announcing that the Department of War had forced Scouting America—formerly Boy Scouts, who changed their name to be more inclusive last year—to no longer accept trans scouts.

In response to the announcement, Scouting America put out their own official press release a day later making it loud and clear: “Scouting America will continue to welcome and serve all youth. That commitment is unwavering.” More directly, the CEO told AP: “We have transgender people in our program. We will continue to have transgender people in our program.” (More: The Advocate)

The girl scouts, meanwhile, continue to go hard for their trans members (as they have for many, many years at this point). In addition to journalist Erin Reed helping trans girl scouts sell more than three hundred thousand boxes of cookies!!!!!! This article from MSN highlights just how powerful and strategic their support has been. My favorite quote: ​​

P.S. This fantastic article was sent to me by a GQN subscriber! I do my best to keep on top of all the good queer news, but I’m just one person and there’s a LOT to celebrate. If there’s something hopeful, or hilarious, or powerful, or worth sharing in your state, community, even in your personal life, I’d love to share it here!

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State-Level Updates!

In North Carolina’s primaries last week, anti trans democrats saw a series of HUGE losses. As we see some politicians (looking at you, Newsome!) attempting to sacrifice trans people in a distorted attempt to appeal to conservatives, it’s encouraging to have proof piling up that this strategy does not win. Remember, any changes that we want to see at the presidential level must start at a local level, so this is promising to me!

In an Arkansas special election, democrats flipped a republican seat for the ninth time since Trump’s inauguration. If you’re a data nerd like me, you’re going to love the downballot’s phenomenal tracker of every special election post inauguration.

Indiana’s legislative session has ended and advocates appear to have defeated all but one of the proposed anti-LGBTQ+ bills! Hoosiers have protected access to bathrooms, affirming IDs, and more. Hell yeah!!

Utah’s legislative session has also ended, and it appears only one anti-trans bill passed as well!

Resistance News!

The Nonbinary park ranger fired for hanging a giant trans flag from Yosemite’s El Capitan Mountain last year is now suing the federal government for violating their first amendment right! Hopefully this lawsuit will allow them to find some justice, and to further protect our right to speak out against a hateful government. (More: LGBTQNation)

Brilliant trans psychologist Dr. Sebastian Barr is newly back from paternity leave and is already up to some amazing stuff! If you are a therapist in Kansas with trans clients, he is providing amazing free resources to help you better understand and support those clients. If you aren’t in Kansas, these resources are an amazing paid offering!!

Last week, Lyft offered a 50% off discount for any trans people needing a ride as their driver’s licenses are not currently safe to use. If you are working at a big company, take note that these kinds of actions are amazing to push for!

If you have someone in your life who deserves to hear that it isn’t time to give up yet, don’t forget to send this their way!

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That’s all for now!

That’s all the news that’s fit to print this week. Please don’t stop looking for hope, fighting for joy, and showing up for each other.

Even if we are all we have, what we have is so much. I am so grateful to each of you for being here.

All my love,

Ben

Before some updates on where I’ve been and what kind of work I’ve been up to, as well as some thoughts on what’s going on in Kansas, I want to share some quick hits of good news stories and actions you can take today!

Though I’ve been offline for a minute, there have been quite a few things keeping me incredibly hopeful. In the spirit of using our energy with intention, in this moment I want to uplift some wonderful, exciting roundups that others have already written about what’s going on lately. A friend and personal favorite, KB Brookins, wrote yet another fantastic roundup of trans news that doesn’t suck from around the country.

Trans News That Doesn't Suck

Long Live Drag Kings

Friends, foes, and other h*es…

Read more

a month ago · 18 likes · 1 comment · KB Brookins

Jess Craven posted her weekly extra extra recap of all the wins across many, many issues. I am always struck by the sheer enormity of the victories that we are fighting for and that we are winning.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

Extra! Extra! 2/23

Hi, all, and happy Sunday…

Read more

2 months ago · 701 likes · 79 comments · Jess Craven

I am also so excited that the ACLU has sprung into action and launched a speedy lawsuit against the horrible new anti-trans law in Kansas impacting driver’s licenses and identity documents. Hopefully they will be able to find some speedy relief from this harm.

While we wait for the litigation arm of our strategy to work, though, there are trans Kansans who are struggling NOW! If you have change to spare, consider making a donation to:

• Transformations, an organization started in Kansas City by Black trans women looking to keep their community safe.

• The LGBTQ Foundation of Kansas

• The ACLU of Kansas

As always, if you make a donation to any of these organizations and tell me about it (honor system), I will upgrade you to a paid subscription to GQN!

Also, I know folks love tangible ideas of how to get involved besides donating, and I’ve got a crystal clear ask today. My PFLAG chapter in St. Louis needs someone to help design some new buttons. We hand out our buttons at tabling events all over the region. I have spent countless hours standing behind our volunteer table watching gaggles of queer and trans kids absolutely gleeful over the number of options of ways to show their pride in their own identity, their siblings, their parents, their journeys, their pronouns.

We are in need of someone with a little free time and a creative spark to help us out. You do not need to be a professional artist—we basically just need someone who’s willing to spend a couple of hours on occasion helping set up some new designs in our Canva template that our volunteers will then print out and turn into works of art that travel all over Missouri. If you’re interested, feel free to send me a message, and I’ll get you connected with our president.

There will be longer good news roundups to come, but for now I want to share some updates on what I’ve been up to!

What happened?

At the end of last year, after nearly five full months of constant travel for my advocacy and speaking work, I thought about taking a break. Instead, I ended up signing up to do a whole lot more. Foolishly, I assumed that because my travel time had been largely enjoyable, I wouldn’t really need a break. That was, of course, Hubris!

While I made it through most of January, staying on top of all my new projects and goals (including finishing edits to the paperback version of My Child is Trans, Now What?) I started to run into a wall. Increasingly, I was feeling disconnected from the work that I genuinely love to do. I wasn’t really excited for any part of my day. Add that to how challenging it’s been to make friends since moving, and you end up with a bit of a cloud around you most days.

Fortunately, I knew there was some rest on the horizon. My wife and I had planned a trip months ago to spend ten days adventuring around Australia and New Zealand while she had some time off from work. It was awesome!! We got to visit a major queer history museum, spend time out in nature, and visit some very cool botanical gardens. We even found my book in a library on a small island off the coast of New Zealand!! So cool!!

While the trip obviously didn’t fix my burnout right away, it gave me a chance to hit the brakes and start to think about what changes I might be able to make so that the work that brings me the most joy: speaking, writing, good queer news, advocacy, and connecting with families; can be work that keeps bringing me joy. Sustainability is the name of the game.

When we got home from our trip, I immediately left again for a trip to visit many of my favorite people and places across Missouri. I got to hang out with some cool queer teens at one of my favorite library branches. The next day, I got to speak at a PFLAG meeting in Jefferson County, an area that many people assumed would never be able to have a PFLAG chapter, but now is thriving and working hard to bring even more safety and equality to the area.

I got to go to a soccer game and see the countless displays of resistance to the stadium’s attempted ban on trans pride flags.

Then I drove down to Springfield in Southwest Missouri to speak about joy at PFLAG Springfield’s Leading with Love Brunch. Though you might not guess it, the Springfield chapter is an absolute powerhouse. In my opinion, they might just be one of the most impactful, empowered chapters in the whole PFLAG network. They have paid staff and amazing grants to build housing equity in their community. When it was their turn to host a traveling photo gallery highlighting trans folks and their supportive families, they decided that rather than just leave the gallery in a gallery, they’d pair up with local businesses all over town to help the exhibit reach as many people as possible.

We spent the day talking about joy and burnout and fear and what it means to love your community and to choose to stay and fight for something better.

From there, it was back to Saint Louis for a day and then off to Kansas City to speak with a variety of queer, trans, and allied students and staff about what it means to dream of a better future and how we put those dreams into action.

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Kansas

Between my departure from Kansas City and today, there has been a mix of good news, bad news, and resistance. The legislature passed a terrible bill, bad news. The governor vetoed, good news. The legislature overrode the veto, and the law went into effect. Very bad news. The ACLU is already suing them over the law. Good news.

Each time the scales flipped, I looked forlornly at the partially written article I was attempting to work on amidst all of those travels with the latest updates. I had to decide whether the things I was pulling out as good news that had been overwritten were still worth sharing. Ultimately, though, the name of the game of what I’m doing here at Good Queer News is nuance.

Good news does not only mean resounding victories with no opposition or pushback. Good Queer News does not exist to say that it’s time to stop fighting. Good queer news exists to say, look at how many of us there are fighting back. Look at what we can accomplish. Look at how we survive.

Having a state governor willing to veto hostile legislation year after year despite knowing that it may be overridden does not mean nothing. Laura Kelly is showing the courage it takes to be a governor that does not throw trans kids under the bus to win political points. (I’m looking at you, Newsome).

Red States are not just places to look at with pity, are not failures of the American experiment, or places that everyone should leave. The activists I know living in Red states are some of the most brilliant, passionate, strategic, resilient people in the world. More than that, they are states filled with human beings who deserve to be able to stay in their home and fight to improve it if they so choose. Red states are also a proving ground for anti-LGBTQ legislation and the things that we can beat back in the South and Midwest, we can stop from spreading around the world.

AND, many of the people I love in red states right now are terrified, are exhausted, and feel so completely alone. I want you to know that I see you, that I am with you, and that I will continue to do everything I can to fight to make the world safer for you.

I know it is tempting to look away and say, “this can’t reach me”, or to look too closely and say, “the battle is not worth fighting. It is done. We have lost.” The reality is we do not know the future, and the only way to guarantee the future is to not act at all.

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Then let us act!

In that spirit, I want to start trying something new. I have a lot of people following me here who are either amazing grassroots advocates who are doing their scrappy best to fight for change in their communities OR people wondering what else they can do, how else they can show up. If you are in the first category and you have an organization in need of a specific skill, a specific volunteer, especially something that can be done virtually, Share that need in the comments. If you are someone who has a skill that you’re not sure how to use, put that in the comments too.

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If I’m going to gather almost 17,000 people here, the least I can do is help them connect with each other, help mobilize this community to make the biggest difference we can.

I’m back in action now with better boundaries and more ideas on how to build rest into my day. Rest assured, though I might need a break from time to time, as we all do, I am not going anywhere. We will never run out of good queer news to celebrate, nor will we run out of work we can do to fight for change. Day in, day out, I am proud to do that work with all of you.

All my love, Ben.

And whenever I start putting together the action segment of whatever I'm working on, I have a nagging voice in my head that says, "Ben, 95% of people reading are not actually going to do that." When I dig deeper and ask myself why that is, I never jump to conclusions of malice or lack of caring. The answer, or at least my best guess, is that people are tired, are burned out, are feeling powerless, and have run out of the resources they need to be able to act.

Many of us (and at plenty of moments in my life, myself included) have probably spent a lot more time feeling guilty for not acting than we have actually acting. What this means is that guilt doesn't work. If it was going to successfully motivate you, it would have done so already.

To help with this, I decided to write a piece on how we begin to re-resource ourselves so we can reclaim our ability to act—not just to act by showing up at a protest, but to volunteer for a worthy cause, to have a difficult conversation, to go out and make a new friend, to get through another day. The burnout so many of us are feeling, I think, in many ways comes down to feeling completely un-resourced and trying to act and live like we're not.

This week, I’m on vacation with my wife as I was desperately in need of some re-resourcing myself. Burnout has been on my mind more and more lately—both in checking for the “yellow lights” in myself, and in hearing from more and more people I love that things feel like too much.

In large part that’s what inspired me to write last week’s article on the desire to “make a difference you can see”, but even as I was writing it I knew that the solutions there would only go so deep—and that the problem I was writing up against goes much deeper. So today, we’re going to talk about it!

Defining Resources

I'm using a really broad stroke here to define resources, not just as stuff but as many pieces that contribute to the whole picture of motivation. Just like the crew of a spaceship checks a million things before liftoff, we check our variety of resources before deciding if we’re able to take an action. As you read through this list, or perhaps at a later date, try to take some time to meaningfully reflect about your access or relationship to each of these resources. Where are your strengths? Where are your challenges?

1. Time: How much time do you have that you can decide what to do with?

2. Money: Can you afford to donate? Can you afford to take a day off to go and testify at the capital? Can you afford potential financial repercussions of highly public support or advocacy?

3. Safety: Do you have a safe place to return to after a challenging day? Do you feel safe enough to find ways to get involved?

4. Attention: Underrated but highly important, can you pay attention to a nonfiction book about queer history? Can you focus on a project or goal and complete that task? Can you delay gratification to take a boring but important action for justice?

5. Empowerment: Do you feel like you actually have the ability to make a difference? Do you believe your vote, your voice, your presence has the capability for change? Do you have any examples of times you contributed to something changing?

6. Energy: Do you have energy to do the things you want to do? How is your quality of sleep, or your ability to nourish yourself through food?

7. Interests: What do you like to do? What are you good at? What do you know about ways to use those interests to make a difference?

8. Healing: Working for change, or even just living in the world as a marginalized person, is traumatic. Do you have any practices for healing from losses, grief, or oppression? Or do you allow the wounds to pile up in the name of "resilience?"

9. Knowledge: Do you feel like you know enough to have a conversation with an uninformed family member? How about to testify, or just to decide where to act? What do you know about strategies for changemaking?

10. Community: Do you feel isolated? Do you have people you feel safe around socially? Do you have people you trust to advocate with? Are there people you can ask for help? Are there people who ask you for help?

11. Pleasure & Joy: What is the value of pleasure and joy in your life? How often, and in what ways do you choose to find joy? Do you believe joy and advocacy can happen at the same time?

Did I miss any? Do any of these resonate with you in particular? I’m eager to know what other ways I can support others in resourcing themselves!

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Getting Real with Ourselves

Obviously, these resources don't exist in a vacuum, or independently of each other. I need money to nourish myself with quality food. I need safety to build community. I need time and attention to expand my knowledge. Even so, starting to recognize which of our resources might be (either actually or perceived) running on empty is a helpful exercise in figuring out what might be holding us back.

The big questions for me as I reflect on all these things are often: What greater powers (social media companies, GOP strategy, etc.) are invested in stealing this resource from me, and in what ways am I standing in my own way of filling this cup? There is simultaneously so much more that is not our fault and yet so much more that is within our ability to change than we think.

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How to Start

I know this feels like a lot. It IS a lot! I'm sitting here across the waves of the internet asking you to look quite deeply into yourself at your flaws, your weaknesses, your fears. That's frightening. It's okay! Here are a few reminders and affirmations as you prepare to embark on your journey of re-resourcing yourself.

• Take a deep breath and give yourself so much more softness and grace as you work through this process. It will be challenging, and it will be okay. Don't be ashamed to hold your own hand. I am known, in my most private or fearful moments, to wrap my arms around myself and say “it’s going to be okay”. My softness is my strength.

• If you feel yourself being pulled towards comfort, towards stagnation or saying "I have to wait for x to start being ready to make these changes", I want to gently nudge you here with a paraphrased quote from Brandi Sellerz-Jackson: We must stop acting like house-sitters in our own lives, waiting for the rightful owner to come back in the right circumstances and clean up and start living. Our lives have started, we are living them, we are not waiting for a start line, and it is never too late (but always at least a little urgent) to decide to claim our own lives.

• Recognize that our current landscape of social media and news is highly activating, and uses deeply moralizing language to constantly inspire "action" (read: social media engagement) through guilt. How is nobody talking about this? Don't look away! What will you tell your grandchildren? Remember again: If guilt and shame were going to work as motivation, wouldn't they have worked already? It's time to try something different.

• Some resources aren't able to be changed, and that's okay. What's important is not making sure every cup is overflowing. It's making sure you are able to align your actions with your resources so you don't hurt yourself by pouring from an empty cup. This is a particularly critical reminder for those folks who are disabled and chronically ill, folks who are poor or working class, those living in areas or situations that are not as safe. You are not a worse or useless advocate because your cup cannot be as full as someone else's. We are all just doing the best we can.

• Don't try to refill every resource right now, instead pick one—perhaps it's whichever one has the greatest impact on your life, or whichever feels most doable to approach—and start trying to wonder what it might look like to resource yourself there. What kind of support do you need?

Starting Tips

If you'd like, I can make this into a much more robust series where I go in depth about how to rebuild each of the above resources. If you'd be interested in that, and if you have a specific resource you'd like me to start with, let me know!

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For now, since I know that both time and attention are highly limited resources (not by accident) I'll close out by providing one or two reminders or reading suggestions for each resource to start you on your journey.

1. Time: Consider performing a time audit of where your time is going, which of those things are optional, and which of those things are nourishing vs draining. Remember: Time is concrete, and you cannot "find" time anywhere. It does not hide. You can only choose to make time by picking a priority.

2. Money: Obviously this is the hardest one for me to fix. Times are tough, but I'd highly recommend , the writer of for some great suggestions to help find relative financial stability.

3. Safety: Take time to reflect on your safety concerns and where they stem from. Some are highly legitimate, while others may be deeply heightened based on social media and news fearmongering. How often do your news sources spark fear? Consider checking out this article on identifying fearmongering.

4. Attention: The intentional theft and destruction of our ability to pay attention as a society is not an accident, and understanding this has been the single biggest thing that changed my ability to engage meaningfully not just with advocacy but with my job, my relationships, and my life. Read Stolen Focus by Johann Hari to learn more about the problem or an article like this one if you are ready to start finding a way out.

5. Empowerment: Consider checking out a book like “Marsha” or something similar to learn more about social movements through history. Ground yourself in your ability to make change. Ask yourself: From whom do I learn that I am powerless? In whose best interest is it that I feel this way? How often are these the same person or entity?

6. Energy: There are so many pieces of conventional wisdom about restoring our energy. Try picking one new habit to work on in the areas of regular movement, sleep hygiene, and nourishing food. I know there are many things draining our energy, and I can't promise that movement or good sleep or quality food will fix it, but I can promise that no movement, bad sleep, and poor nourishment will make it worse!

7. Interests: Reflect on your passions, your talents, and your hobbies. Do a little research into how these might help: Google things like the name of your hobby/interest/skill + "for change"

8. Healing: This is a big, hard, scary one. I would highly, highly recommend the book "On Thriving" by Brandi Sellerz-Jackson, which has made a major, major difference in my life and mental health. Also, consider looking up whether your insurance covers therapy. I think everyone should be in therapy, especially right now!

9. Knowledge: What specific knowledge-gaps stop you from getting involved? Lack of knowledge of the issues, or of how we got there, or of what we're supposed to do about it? Go to a local bookstore or library and share with them that you're ready to learn more about that topic. You will only learn more if you seek out the knowledge!

10. Community: Luckily for you, when I moved states last year I wrote a whole article about how and why to build community from scratch. Here it is!

11. Pleasure & Joy: Y'all already know this is my favorite one. This is my thing. To start working on your relationship to joy, especially in relationship to changemaking, I would highly recommend reading this article I wrote last summer titled "Joy as Resistance Isn't Going to Cut It". Perfect for skeptics and newcomers alike!

~Fin & Thanks~

Okay, I know that's been quite a bit of reading, and tremendous thanks to those who made it all the way here! Props to you—choosing yourself, and choosing to grow in ways that might be new, challenging, or frightening isn't easy. But it will make a difference. The more well resourced we are, the more we can show up in ways we're proud of, give love and resources to others, and make the changes we want to see in the world.

Refilling our cups is a lifelong project, but we have to start somewhere!

All my love as always,

Ben

Hi Bec!! Thanks so much for being here. Why don’t you introduce yourself to all the lovely people here at Good Queer News?

Hi! I’m Bec Miriam (they/them). I’m a Disabled, Chronically ill & Neurodivergent filmmaker, artist, & founder of RestFest Film Festival!

Tell me more about Restfest! What do you all have going on this month?

RestFest Film Festival is a virtual film/video art festival created by/for the Disabled, Deaf, Chronically ill, Neurodivergent, and/or Mad community - worldwide.

Our annual festival is taking place now: Feb 1-28. We’ve got 27 films available for streaming and 18 virtual events to take part in. All are created by Disabled, Deaf, Chronically ill, Neurodivergent, and/or Mad artists.

Everything is entirely accessible from bed.

Give me a little more of the origin story here. How did this start? How has the journey surprised you most?

As a Disabled filmmaker myself, this is something I was seeking for a number of reasons.

I found myself unable to attend festivals that my own films were screening in because I was too sick to travel. And I knew I wasn’t alone in this. Attending film events is a valuable way to find community with fellow filmmakers and film lovers, and we miss out on that.

Disabled community is also something uniquely special, so having this opportunity to connect with other Disabled artists and engage with each other’s work is incredibly fulfilling & meaningful.

I wanted a film space that was entirely by & for us. It was important to me that RestFest encouraged free creative expression by all Disabled artists. Here, we’re not put in a box, not required to make films about Disability. This festival is not in service of educating the non-Disabled. It’s for us.

I’d say what has surprised me most is just how vast this community is. There are Disabled artists seeking community everywhere. Through RestFest, I’ve had the chance to connect with folks from all over the world. And from our comfiest & coziest spaces!

Speaking of how much love there is in building queer and disabled art spaces, check out this clip from the film Transcend:

You’ve mentioned to me that there are some really beautiful queer and trans artists as part of RestFest. Give me a pitch for some of your favorite pieces!

Yes yes yes! The majority of participating artists, plus myself and my co-curator (Miz Hashimoto) are queer, trans, &/or non-binary.

If you’re looking for films that specifically talk about being queer and trans, you’ll absolutely find them here.

Transcend, a documentary short film from the U.K follows the journey of three trans artists & their processes of creation, of both their art and their gender identities. The film discusses the challenges of being trans in the U.K., but it centers the value of trans community & artmaking. It’s a film overflowing with trans joy. While watching it, I found myself crying tears of joy. It was directed by trans filmmaker Althea J Eccles.

Man in the Moon, a gorgeous video artwork is a collaboration between two trans men while at different points of their transitions. Visual Artist Rora Blue & Poet Max Stone engage with one another’s work as a way for each to reflect back and look forward on a journey of self discovery.

Transcend can be streamed in the shorts block “Reverberation / Held”.

Man in the Moon can be streamed in the shorts block “Mid-Air / Suspended”.

I absolutely love the mission of RestFest and that sounds like such a beautiful space for making and sharing art. What is your favorite thing about the art people are making for RestFest?

There’s rawness and authenticity present in all of these works that I find both touching & creatively very exciting. There is a very wide variety of genres, forms, & topics explored in the program. No two films are the same, but all break away from convention in their own way. That feels very Disabled & very Queer to me.

Hell yeah it does!! One of the things I write about constantly is the need for joy within the fight for trans rights. What role do you think joy has to play in creating disability justice?

It’s essential! Disabled joy is at the heart of what RestFest is, and it’s through joy that we can stay motivated to create change. It gives us energy, and it gives us hope.

Experiencing joy and experiencing it with each other is what tells us we can fight this fight and win.

How can people engage with RestFest this year? How else can we support the wonderful work you’re doing?

Stream the films & come to events!

All 27 films are available to stream in our Virtual Theater: watch.eventive.org/restfestfilmfestival

There are 18 live virtual events, including workshops, panels, gatherings, & more. Visit the virtual events box office to get tickets: www.tixtree.com/o/restfest-film-festival

Another way to support is by spreading the word! We’d love for as many folks as possible to get to enjoy these gorgeous films & to join in on all the festivities.

For a general overview of the festival, visit the homepage: www.restfestfilmfestival.org/2026-film-festival

And join us on Instagram & Substack: @restfestfilmfestival // restfest.substack.com

I like to ask this of everybody who I feature here: what’s bringing you joy right now?

I am overflowing with joy to be organizing and taking part in this space that centers Crip arts & Crip community. It’s a massive honor for me.

Ben, thank you so much for your support of the festival & for all the amazing work that you do for us Queer folks. <3

Festival Links:

• Homepage: www.restfestfilmfestival.org/2026-film-festival

• Virtual Events Box Office: www.tixtree.com/o/restfest-film-festival

• Virtual Theater: watch.eventive.org/restfestfilmfestival

• Festival Film Passes: restfestfilmfestival.eventive.org/passes/buy

• About the Films: www.restfestfilmfestival.org/2026-film/video-programs

• Merch: https://everpress.com/profile/restfest-film-festival

• Letterboxd: https://boxd.it/QBa3M

• Discord: https://discord.gg/B8kkd7N6

Instagram /// Substack

Wow!!!! What an interview! What a human! I’m so glad I got to share some more of Bec’s work with you all and I hope you take some time to enjoy the amazing films they’re celebrating this month.

That’s all I’ve got for now. With all my love as always,

Ben <3

Since then, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking more about the kind of man I want to become, and the spaciousness testosterone has given me to build him. Over the years I’ve said that while I expected testosterone to make me aggressive, what it actually did was turn up the volume on what’s already here. I’m now aggressively nice.

I needed everyone to be able to see this graphic I spent [REDACTED] long making, but the rest of this article is going to start out as a piece for paid subscribers since it isn’t quite as urgent as the other kinds of posts I write.

Reminder as always, you can get a free upgrade to paid-tier content by:

• referring my publication to friends who sign up

Share Good Queer News

• sending me a picture of you owning/reading/reviewing my book (libraries and ebooks count!) or requesting my audiobook from your local library!

• Asking me nicely (yes, really. This isn’t my primary source of income, and we’re all just doing our best out here. I have no problem helping somebody get access to a resource that might make a difference for them!)

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For those of you that are newer in town, the audiobook is a narrated version of my nonfiction book that came out two years ago titled: My Child is Trans, Now What? A Joy-Centered Approach to Support. I wrote my book because I wanted a book about supporting trans kids written by an actual trans person, and I was thrilled to be able to prioritize something other than the transgender sob story that we can get boxed into sometimes.

The book is available wherever you buy your books, at libraries, and in some community centers too!

Almost immediately after beginning the audiobook self-production process, I learned that that is incredibly hard thing to do and a skill that I don’t have. Do you know how many times a person breathes? Do you know how stupid it is to try to edit out those breath sounds? I didn’t either!

I began to resolve myself to the fact that though I love audiobooks and they’re phenomenal for accessibility, producing it all on my own was too lofty a goal. Just as I had begun to accept the likelihood that this audiobook wasn’t in the cards, A new hero emerged onto the field. My wonderful friend Blair Hodges reached out to me and offered completely free to produce my audiobook.

A moment to discuss how amazing Blair is. I met Blair years ago when I was a guest on his fantastic podcast, titled “Relationscapes”. Through this podcast, he explores love, relationships, support, gender, sexuality, race, allyship, politics, and so many more rich and nuanced human discussions. Because of his tremendous support for the trans community he’s been particularly unflinching to giving a spotlight to the many lived experiences of different trans people. In the spirit of the audiobook release, here is a compilation of all the episodes Blair has done celebrating trans guests:

The Incredible Brain Science About Sex and Gender (with Daphna Joel)

How to Support Trans Youth (with Ben V. Greene)

Black and Beyond the Binary (with KB Brookins)

What The News Isn’t Telling You About Trans Teenagers (with Nico Lang)

MINI EPISODE: Pace Yourself and Brace Yourself (with Katelyn Burns)

A Haunted Trans Story (with Kyle Lukoff)

Trans in the Latter Days (with Laurie Lee Hall)

The Challenges of Parenting Trans Kids (with Abi Maxwell)

Nonbinary Thinking (with Eris Young)

So yeah, Blair is pretty amazing. I was floored by his kindness and eager to get started. I am and will forever be a lifelong library stan, and the fact that I recorded this entire audiobook totally for free at a top of the line recording studio at a library in Saint Louis further cements that.

There’s a part of me that still feels like I’m dreaming, but now that the links are listed online, I know it’s real.

It is with delight that for the first time I present to you the official audiobook of My Child is Trans, Now What? A Joy-Centered Approach to Support!!!!!!!

Links:

Libro.fm

Chirp Audiobooks

Spotify Audiobooks

Audible

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Unlike the physical copy of this book, my audiobook is self published! This means two things:

1. I don’t have to share the royalties with anyone. So if you’ve been wondering what purchase of my book has the most immediate financial return for me, It is far and above the audiobook.

2. There is a reason why authors share the profits of their book with the publisher: to pay wonderful teams like marketing, sales, distribution. All phenomenal people that I do not have on my team this time around the block. That means I’m doing this on my own!

That’s where you all come in. Most of the support I need for this book is free. The two biggest things that would make a difference in the success of this audiobook are leaving reviews online and requesting your library add the book to their collection. For most libraries, it’s super easy to request a book online: you can just check out their website and find an online form or email address to request books for the collection, or speak to a librarian directly.

Make sure you specifically mention it’s the audiobook you’re looking for. As I’ve offered in the past, If you do any of these things and tell me about it, I will give you a free three month upgrade to a paid subscription, which in the next few weeks, will include a roundup of book recommendations, some personal updates, and even an opportunity for us to meet in person!!

This audiobook was a labor of love, and the profits that come from it will be poured directly back into the community it was built to support: trans youth and their families. This year, I hope to spend more time than ever doing free PFLAG events. And care navigation for families of trans youth. And having a source of income gives me the space to put more time and love where it’s needed most.

Also, I’m just really stinkin’ proud of this book and the impact that it’s had already. I am so excited for the audiobook to be able to reach more people!

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Okay, that’s all I’ve got for you for today. I hope you all make some time for rest this weekend!

All my love,

Ben

So I think it’s prudent that we spend a little time together talking about both high-impact actions AND digging a little deeper into the unmet needs pushing us towards asking this question in the first place.

Before we get into actions, here are a few Great Queer News stories from this week that deserve to be celebrated!

1. The Trump admin has dropped their appeal (thus ending the case) of a lower court ruling against their attempts to force schools to remove anything that could be labeled “DEI” from their curriculum or policies. The demands cannot be enforced against any school in America! (More: Democracy Forward)

2. Democrats have successfully stripped ALL ANTI TRANS RIDERS out of the federal budget!! This is almost certainly in large part thanks to regular people like us calling our elected officials to let them know WE CARE!! (More: Erin in the Morning)

3. The latest hearing on Trump’s military ban was last week, and what was expected to be a quick hearing turned into three hours of grilling the administration about their intent with the ban. This bodes well!! (More: The Advocate)

4. Six CHLA families sued the Trump administration and blocked the release of patient data for over 3,000 families. (More: Erin in the Morning)

Something else that brought me tremendous hope: Last week, over a thousand Missourians across movements—racial justice, immigrant rights, voting rights, body autonomy, workers rights, and more— joined together to force legislators to hear their voices.

I say this with both extreme gentleness and the firmness that the moment requires: If you are someone sitting on the sidelines and assuming there is something that fundamentally differentiates those who are taking action right now from those who aren’t, you will not find one here. The people you are seeing are not only career organizers or trained advocates, but everyday people deciding enough is enough and being willing to do something about it. Everyday people being brave enough to go to the capital for the first time. Everyday people protecting their neighbors in Minneapolis. Everyday people deciding to call their elected official every day. Everyday people figuring out what they can do best to make a difference.

Want to support my work? Consider buying me a virtual coffee!

Coffee!!!

The theme of this week is PEOPLE POWER.

So how do I make a difference I can see?

I get asked this question a lot. I intended to write this article weeks ago, but I found myself running into a wall over and over again. Finally I realized why: I didn’t know how to put together a list of actions to answer that question because I knew that wasn’t actually the need that was going unmet. Sure, the actions will be helpful, but I want to try to pair those actions with some important reminders.

First important reminder: Delayed gratification is a muscle that, for many of us, has atrophied. I can get my package delivered the same day I order it. I can pay an extra 3 dollars to get my food delivered within the hour. As we build up entire economies of convenience and of instant payoff, it becomes increasingly uncomfortable to do things that don’t have an immediate effect.

But actions that add up while having no immediate positive feedback—like calling your elected officials—are crucial. Take a look at some of the recent results of the flood of calls relating to the absolute horror of ICE’s behavior (and existence):

Politics Made Easy

Your. Calls. Are. Working.

If you like this article, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It keeps this newsletter free for all (paid subscribers can also attend Zooms where you can ask me anything). You can also support me by ordering my book, What Does the Constitution Actually Say…

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3 months ago · 174 likes · 14 comments · Ben Sheehan

The highlights for skimmers: democrats are changing their stances. REPUBLICANS are changing their stances. The sponsor of the bill that all these calls are protesting changed her mind and voted against her own bill. Your calls are literally tallied, and they are adding up.

Action you can see: download the app 5 calls. If you’re feeling nervous about calling your legislators, know that the first call is often the most frightening. The app will give you phone numbers, scripts, and encouragement to make phone calls about things you’re passionate about. Watch your efforts add up.

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Feeling: So many people are getting hurt

For some people, they’re asking for actions they can see because the pain of the people in the world is starting to feel overwhelming. Doesn’t anybody care? Can’t we just help each other?

If you’re feeling acutely aware of the suffering of your community, the best response is to get acutely involved in the healing of your community through local direct services and mutual aid efforts.

Ideas for you:

• Go to gofundme and search for “transition surgery” or something similar. Pick a random person who is either close to their goal or has $0. Make the biggest donation you can. Sometimes, I like to pick people where I can pay off the entire rest of their goal anonymously.

• Look up “mutual aid” + your city to find what support networks already exist (this website might have one for your area: ) and then sign up for a volunteer shift

• One of my favorite things in the world is Erin Reed’s annual round up of trans girl scouts to buy cookies from. Get yourself some thin mints. Double your impact and buy boxes to donate to a trans community center!

• If ICE has arrived in your city, there is a very good chance that your immigrant and latiné neighbors do not feel safe leaving their homes. Look up local grocery delivery or companionship efforts to help them not feel so alone right now.

Reminder: At any given moment in history, a lot of people are hurting. The biggest difference now is that social media has given us constant and unrelenting insights into how much they are hurting. It is beautiful for humans to be so connected to each other, and past a certain point exposing yourself constantly to that pain will sap out every ounce of energy you have. To hold someone in their pain is a gift to give to them, but it is not free. Consider being more intentional about setting up boundaries and barriers to doomscrolling.

Feeling: Everything is getting worse

Reminder: It is not a coincidence that the sources making us feel like it’s time to give up (news, social media, hateful politicians) are the same people with a critical vested interest in us believing them. They don’t want you to win, so they don’t want you to try. Intaking high levels of news without taking any actions is shown to have devastating impacts on mental health. Give yourself permission to know less to do more. Pushing through the discomfort to start taking actions that feel doable to you is the only way to make this feel better.

There are a lot of things that might feel like they’re getting worse, so here are a few starter examples of immediate actions you can take based on things that feel particularly scary to you:

Book Bans:

• Every week, pick a different queer book by a queer author. Leave a positive review online. Reach out to the bookstores and libraries around you to ask them to stock that book (they care a lot more about requests from their own community members, and your library probably has an online form or email you can use to request books!)

Everyone is getting angrier:

• “Adopt” a local queer business. Become a regular. Learn the names of the folks working there. Make it a mission to bring one new person there every month. Regular patronage will help recirculate money through supportive businesses and your local economy. Leave a BIG ASS TIP.

• Consider getting trained in deep canvassing, one of the most incredible and effective ways to change people’s minds one at a time, person to person, on the ground. https://www.ourgroundtruth.org/

Political attacks on trans people:

• Sign up for action updates from your state-level advocacy organization. Listen to them!!

• Join a local PFLAG chapter, many of which are scaling up their efforts to get involved in local advocacy and support campaigns. If you have specific skills you want to put to use, reach out and offer them!

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I’m so frightened for the people I love

I hear you! It’s a frightening time. Rather than waiting for our loved ones to ask for help, we’re going to be proactive and enthusiastic.

What is your favorite thing to do, or to do for other people? A favor that’s particularly easy or fun for you?

Pick a few people in your life and offer that specifically.

• Do you want to go for a walk together this weekend?

• What if we picked a recipe and cooked together on facetime?

• I made too much food—can I drop some off at your house?

• I’m in the mood to break out my toolbox. Do you have anything that needs fixing?

• I’m listening to a great new audiobook while I run errands later. Any stops I can add for you?

If you need more ideas here, check out my article with a very long list of ideas to add to your support menu!

In Sum

The world as we know it is engineered to make us feel overstimulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, disconnected, etc. I’m not the first to write this. It makes sense that many of us are feeling disempowered or disheartened, but the only antidote to this is finding our way to action and, thus, to empowerment.

I know it is not fun to hear. But we cannot self care our way out of this one. Self care will be crucial for keeping our energy restored so we feel safe enough to act, but that pit you feel in your stomach? That looming hopelessness? That doesn’t go away until we start to find something we can do about it.

We are coming up against problems that were built by thousands of people with billions of dollars over hundreds of years. One person was never going to fix it—meaning the perfection or mistakes of your individual actions doesn’t actually matter. Instead, it is going to take every single one of us passing the torch, sharing the load, and doing what we can wherever we can.

But if we do it together, I know we’ll be able to get there. Give yourself some grace, give yourself some love, and tell yourself it’s time to get to work.

Any actions I missed? Share your favorite one in the comments!

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All my love as always,

Ben

I know the past few weeks have been remarkably heavy, and I hope you’ve been taking the space that you need to grieve, rage, heal, and get back to work. Most importantly: I hope you aren’t trying to do any of that alone. When systems fail us, all that we have is each other. Our fellow human beings. Resist the urge to isolate, to dive deeper into the doom-scroll, to give up, to let the rage consume you.

It’s been an angry January for a lot of us, including for me, and that sometimes surprises people. Ben, aren’t you supposed to be the hope guy? Aren’t you happy all the time?

Girl. Are you looking at the same world I’m looking at? Of course I get angry! Of course I feel grief, and pain, and fear. My work here at Good Queer News, and my joy-oriented philosophy, don’t mean I insist that joy is the only emotion. Being a human who is paying any level of attention means experiencing the whole tapestry of human emotions.

What my joy centered philosophy reminds me is that while anger, grief, fear, and others are critical emotions to let me know when something cannot be accepted, I must keep coming home to joy. Even when that feels challenging, even when it feels frivolous, even when it feels like the rage just keeps coming back, I must ask myself what I need to be able to come home to joy.

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If we build a movement entirely fueled by anger, the future we build will be an angry one. I am militant about protecting and maintaining my joy because I am determined to build a future that is gentler and more joyful than the world we’re in today.

How do we do that?

1. Find spaces to exist outside of the movement. Be a whole person. Have hobbies, read books, go for a walk, EXIST.

2. Learn how to ask yourself what you need. Learn how to ask for help getting those things. Learn how to offer these things to others. This article might be a good place to start:

3. Find ways to get involved that align with your passions and your skills. When we can combine making a difference with having fun or using our skills at their peak, we’re so much more likely to find empowerment

4. Get the heck off social media! Remember: your despair is someone else’s business model. Be intentional with how you’re using news and social media, especially when things feel particularly awful!

Rather than include related pictures this week, I’m going to share unrelated pictures from my life to remind you that even I, an incredibly involved advocate have a full and complete life outside of my work for the movement. I am not an advocacy robot. I am a person!!

Let’s get into the wins!

In the Courts:

1. The Trump administration has quietly restored tens of millions of dollars of family planning funding to Planned Parenthood after a lawsuit by the ACLU! (Politico)

2. After RFK cut grants to the American Academy of Pediatrics for speaking out with ACCURATE INFORMATION about gender affirming care, vaccines, autism, and more, they sued for retaliatory attacks on their freedom of speech. Now, 12 million dollars of grant funding has been restored! (AAP)

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In the States:

1. Hawai’i’s new inclusive parentage and family building law has gone into effect, adding protections and easier legal pathways for all the wonderful ways queer people build families! (Kaua’i Now)

2. State legislative sessions are largely underway now, and are starting off with a bang. Look for your state advocacy organization for ways to get involved!!

Want to support my work more directly? Consider sending a tip of any size through Ko-fi!

Kofi fund!

Our Allies are Everywhere!

1. While the Trump admin continues to target trans youth, school districts are saying hell no! (Erin in the Morning)

2. Philanthropist Mackenzie Scott has made a 45 MILLION dollar donation to the Trevor Project!! After being devastated by federal budget cuts and grant terminations, this is a lifeline to an organization that plays a critical role in uplifting queer and trans youth. (The Trevor Project)

3. Ricky Gervais—a notable anti-trans comedian—won a golden globe last week for his latest special. Since he wasn’t there to accept the award, Wanda Sykes accepted the award on his behalf and thanked “God and the Trans Community” (LGBTQNation)

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Plain old Wholesome

1. Inspired by the hit TV show Heated Rivalry, Hockey Player Jesse Korteum has come out as gay! Here’s hoping the impact of this show keeps skating along and that HBO is forced to ACTUALLY LET US HAVE A SECOND SEASON OF A QUEER TV SHOW!! (The Advocate)

2. When one of the members of the JPOP group “XG” (XtraordinaryGirls) came out as transmasc nonbinary, the group supported them fully and has changed their name to XtraordinaryGenes and is excited for the future of their journey! (LGBTQNation)

What else did I miss? Let us know in the comments what Good Queer News you’re celebrating in your country, state, town, or personal life! Nothing is too small!

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That’s all I’ve got for you today, but more hopeful actions to come later this week!

All my love, as always,

Ben

I’m so grateful that we were introduced by some of the folks who were key players in her successful campaign, the organization FUTR, which I’ve written about a number of times on here. FUTR, Families United for Trans Rights, is an organization of parents and families of trans kids helping trans people get elected to public office around the country and advocating for inclusive policies.

On the 28th, they’ll be hosting an evening of discussion around the upcoming documentary “State of Firsts”, on the historic campaign and election of transgender congresswoman Sarah McBride. The event will feature members of the film’s production team, as well as Sarah’s parents David & Sally McBride, who will share their own unique perspectives and pride in her journey. I’ll certainly be there, and I would love to see you too!

RSVP Here!

Hearing about Sarah McBride’s campaign, if it’s anything like her outstanding book, is going to be an evening of joy and empowerment and possibility.

Let’s jump into our interview!

Ben Greene: Tell me about your story. How did you end up here?

Erica Deuso: I grew up in South Burlington, Vermont. Daughter of two people who just celebrated their fifty-first wedding anniversary. Really great family, and I have one sibling.

We grew up never having a lot, but always having enough. There was always enough love to go around, but food and heat and shelter…those were different stories. So, I know a good deal about what it means to have to scrimp and save and to go without.

But it was our neighbors, our family, our friends who really helped us get through the tougher times, food, clothing, shelter, heat, money. I learned that your neighbors are good people. They’re the people you can turn to when you have a problem, when you needed help. Always just go to your neighbors.

Within a few months of graduating from college, I was living overseas in Copenhagen, Denmark. I did my graduate studies in biochemistry over there, worked in the brewing industry, and got to see how democratic socialism actually works. While I never really enjoyed giving up 54% of my paycheck, I did appreciate the low-cost public transportation, no-cost health insurance, and free PhD.

When I moved back [to the US], I needed a place to live and I decided to look around at a few towns in Chester County. I really liked it out there. It was close to where I worked. I could get on the train right into Philadelphia. I found Downingtown, and I went to an event called Good Neighbor Day.

Ben Greene: Good neighbor day! That’s so perfect for you.

Erica Deuso: That’s right! That got me, and then seeing how people treated each other, in businesses around town. When I was viewing my house, somebody came to the door and said “Hey, are you looking at buying here? This neighborhood is really great. We have a lot of kids. We have a lot of families here. You know? Everybody’s really welcome.” That made me feel great. So I bought in 2007, so I’ve been here coming up on on nineteen years.

When I ended up transitioning, I was really scared. I’d heard all of the weird things, all the bad things that happened to people. This was 2009. The only media coverage we got was the murders of trans people, the spectator stories or the sad stories. Those are the only kind of stories that we got back then.

And so, you know, I was really worried. But my neighbors, true to their form, were great. You know? Everybody just welcomed me, welcomed the transition. Pronouns, names, all of that were just amazing. Nobody really messed up. I never got any harassment, discrimination in my town. It was a great experience. I feel pretty blessed on that.

Ben Greene: So tell me more about how you decided to run for Mayor!

I decided to run because, you know, this is a good neighbor town. They were so great to me, I wanted to give back, and it doesn’t hurt that the former mayor of town personally asked me to run for his seat. When the mayor asks you to step up for your town, you take that to heart.

I had been politically active for about a decade. I worked on some of Bernie Sanders’ campaign around the county, and then in 2022 I was voted our Democratic Party’s committee person in my precinct. So I’ve been working with them for six for four years now, just always thinking about Downingtown and how we can get more people out, how we can knock on doors, how we can spread the word about democracy and the importance of getting out and building our democratic base in this town.

Ben Greene: From what I’ve seen, your campaign was really focused around connection, and now talking to you, it’s so obvious that “be a good neighbor” is the foundational belief of how you are as a human, how you are as a mayor. Tell me more about how you made that choice to focus your campaign around connection, door knocking, and how that went.

Erica Deuso: Coming at this as a trans person, being trans should never be your number one most identifiable trait. It should be about what you can do for the people. What are the important things? What do people care about? If I was to run this campaign simply to focus on my identity, nobody would care.

Before I ran, I was talking to people at doors every year during the primaries, asking them who they are, what they think, what they’re up to. And so you get a sense when you’ve knocked on thousands of doors, you hear the same themes over and over and over again, the things that people wanna see done.

People care about things like traffic and about flood mitigation in our town. They care about our businesses. They care about being able to afford their houses, and keeping a roof over their head and food on the table.

They also want a mayor who is not afraid to speak up when they see injustice, when they see things go wrong. They want somebody who’s not gonna, you know, sit back and just, you know, not care or not do anything. And I’ve never been the type of person who doesn’t speak up when something bad happens.

So I focused my campaign on the things that people care about.

Ben Greene: I really love that. This past election season it really seemed like that focus on actually listening to voters’ needs instead of just fearmongering about trans people was so successful.

Erica Deuso: Yeah! You look at places like New York City, New Jersey, Virginia, right here in Downingtown. You saw candidates over and over again on the right try to play up the social issues, try to try to fearmonger on trans issues. And what happened? Landslide victories in Virginia, Jersey, New York, here, all around this country because people care about what a politician is going to do for you.

It’s not just “vote for me and everything’s gonna be great!” No. It doesn’t work that way. Things are still gonna be tough, and, I can’t do things about, you know, how much your groceries cost. But what I can do is I can say, hey, let’s plant a community garden. We can’t build a house on that plot anymore, but maybe we get a community garden and a free forage area.

That’s the kind of thing that I want for people. Things that we can do at the local level to help make people’s lives easier. Fearmongering on trans issues is not gonna make anybody’s life easier.

Ben Greene: I know in your campaign you worked closely with the organization “Families United for Trans Rights (FUTR), which is primarily made up of parents and families of trans kids. What was it like working with an organization like that?

Oh, they were great. Hearing from people, from parents, from relatives, siblings of trans people, you know, it puts things into perspective. You hear so many bad things coming from the national news and you think everything is terrible.

But to know that so many of these families are out there supporting their kids, getting them the care that they need, and then getting out there and advocating for their own children, that makes me feel great. It makes you feel good that these kids have an opportunity that I definitely didn’t have in the 80’s. A lot of trans people who had to transition later in life, they never thought they would have.

The greatest part of all of that is knowing that those kids just get to be kids. It was amazing to be supported by an organization like that.

Ben Greene: Switching gears a little, this is your first official week in office. How did it go? How does it feel?

Erica Deuso: It feels good. I got sworn in, and then Wednesday I got an email or a text message from somebody in Borough Hall saying that a union organizer had stopped by and wanted to get all the information that we had on the bid process for a borough job that we’re doing right now.

There were so many things I was worried about. Horrible messages, or vandalism. No. None of that happened. The first thing I get from everybody is that the unions want to talk to you about how we went through the bid process. That’s why I signed up for this—I want this kind of responsibility.

So to know that not only am I interacting with somebody on the official level as mayor, but I’m actually proposing policy, that was pretty awesome. Then I got invited to go out to Pittsburgh to see the installation of judge Brandon Newman, Superior Court of Pennsylvania. To have the superior court and, actually, one or two Supreme Court members come up to me and say “congratulations, madam mayor.” Wow. To hear that from people that I didn’t know had even followed this made me feel great.

Then coming back and with all the stuff that happened in Minneapolis and then Portland, I sat down to have conversations, the police chief and I, about how we would interact with ICE in our community and what we would need to do. How is our local police going to step in if there’s a situation like this again? It’s those kinds of questions that we need to figure out.

And then tonight, I’m meeting up with some friends that I haven’t seen in quite some time because of the campaign and I’m gonna just have a nice evening out with my husband.

Ben Greene: Oh, I love that. That’s so fantastic. I love that you campaigned on “hey, I’m not gonna let you put me in the trans box, I’m a whole person,” and you’re getting to really live that.

Erica Deuso: Yes. You’re always always gonna have the people who come at you because of your policy positions. I have no problem with that. The problem I have is when they just go straight for identity. You know?

Ben Greene: Exactly! Okay, two more questions for you: What has been your biggest surprise from this whole journey?

Erica Deuso: When I first started running, one of the first things that I was told by a former mayor is that the key to this borough is getting in with all of the old Italian folks around town. They’re the ones who come out to vote.

And the thing that surprised me is that those old Italian folks are the same ones who you know, they did come out and they did vote, and they were the surprising ones who were huge supporters of me because I didn’t sit there and BS them.

They’ve gotten to talk to a lot of politicians in their lives, and everybody comes to them for their votes. But I came to them with questions. I didn’t show up to their doorstep, asking for their vote. I was there asking what their problems with town are. Where do they see opportunities to improve? Because they’ve lived here their entire lives. They’ve seen this place grow.

People like having those kind of conversations because it brings up the root causes of their issues. And that’s one of the things that I’m trained in, is root cause analysis. I want to get to the root of what the problems are so that instead of just slapping a Band Aid on a problem, we’re actually solving it.

Ben Greene: Yeah. I love that focus. Okay, final question for you. I know even though you didn’t run on this campaign of being the first out trans mayor of this borough, that is the record that you broke, and you’re probably hearing from a lot of people about what that means. And I know that that can be really rewarding, and it can also come with a lot of weight.

What does rest and self care and joy look like for you in this new, highly visible role?

Erica Deuso: One of the things that nobody asks about is what it feels like to be trusted with things. You know? 1,790 people trusted me with this town. They gave me something very fragile that, you know, with a couple bad things could turn this town upside down. And they gave it to me under the guise of “we trust you. We believe in you. We want you to take care of this for us.”

That’s a lot of weight. And then you add in the weight of being the first, and it’s not just the first in this borough. It’s the first trans mayor in Pennsylvania and the only transgender mayor currently in office in The United States.

That’s a lot of weight. I have to balance out the job that I do here in Downingtown with the expectations of a trans and an LGBTQ community who’s looking at me to make a good impression. I think I’m gonna do that by focusing on the issues.

As far as how I handle joy and relaxation and rest, my husband and I are big craft beer fans. Like I said, I worked in the brewing industry in Denmark, so we go out once or twice a month. We go try different craft beer companies in the area, and sometimes we take trips to go and try different areas and see where things are.

One of the other things I’m signing up for this year, it’s called the Everest 29029 challenge. You go and you hike the equivalent of 29,029 feet in thirty six hours. I’m training for that. And I find hiking, running, even going for a good walk. I find that meditative. It allows me to think about things, but also to tune out everything and focus on my breathing, focus on my body, focus on just improving my mental health.

And I think that’s really important in a position like this where you have a lot of a lot of weight on your shoulders, that you find time to take that weight off every once in a while.

Ben Greene: What an amazing challenge! That’s so cool. Thank you so much for taking some time out of your afternoon to sit down with me. I really appreciate it. Congratulations again. Good luck with the beginning of your term as mayor.

Erica Deuso: Thank you so much!

A huge thank you again to mayor Deuso and to FUTR for setting this up. Don't forget to join FUTR for their event on January 28th!

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Want to support my work and my ability to put together great interviews like this one? Consider becoming a paid subscriber, or making a one-time support donation to my “coffee fund!”

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That’s all I’ve got for you today, folks. I know it’s been a heavy few days, and I hope you’re finding the space you need for rest, rage, community, and action. The fight for a better world will take all of us.

All my love,

Ben

Though it might not feel like it because of the constant state of panic the Trump admin works hard to maintain, this year has been a truly remarkable one.

To be clear, I’m not saying that we were wrong to be afraid, or that everything has been fine. It’s not. It’s been a heavy year and so many people that I love have gotten hurt. But as I’ve spoken about many times before, hope and joy are battle tactics, and celebrating what we’ve fought for is an amazing way to keep us moving ahead.

Before we get into the meat, I have a few research studies I’ve learned about that are looking for participants! All of these studies are from people that I trust and know personally, and getting involved in research helps contribute to improved understanding, resources, and support for the queer community and our allies.

1. Project EQuIP study on therapy for queer women!: Recruiting queer women over the age of 18, living in NY, NJ, or PA. Eligible participants would get 3-4 months of LGBTQ-affirmative therapy and would be compensated up to $260 for completing surveys and interviews to track their progress. (Yale)

2. A study for a new App called “The Guide” to improve mental health outcomes for Trans and Gender Expansive young adults (18-29). (Harvard)

3. Interviews for a master’s thesis in Nutrition and Dietetics about the experiences of BIPOC transgender people who’ve undergone eating disorder treatment. (St. Louis University)

Where we won!!!

Strap in, folks. It’s a lot! I’ve aimed to be as concise as possible so I can include as many wins as I can, but I’ve also linked to all my sources so you can dig in where you’re excited to learn more.

Electorally:

• As of May 2025, there were over 1,300 LGBTQ+ elected officials currently holding public office. How amazing is that? Since 2017, trans and nonbinary representation in public office has risen by over 1800%

• In the 2025 election cycle, we saw a BLOWOUT series of victories from openly trans and queer candidates breaking barriers to totally flipped school boards in small towns. There were massive overperformances by democrats across the board, particularly in races where GOP folks tried to campaign on the familiar platform of “trans people are bad”. Virginia flipped their governor, Lt. governor, attorney general, and house of delegates, and New York City elected a mayor who was proudly vocal in his support for his trans constituents. These elections smell like change is in the water–not just in terms of a fantastic midterms performance next year, but also in terms of a shift towards more progressive politics within the democratic party.

• There’s at least one trans candidate newly entering public office this year that I’m particularly jazzed about… and no spoilers but you might be getting to hear from her directly next week!

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Legally:

Remember team, so much of our legal strategy is about reducing harm as much as possible. For passports, for example, even though we are currently sitting with a rough ruling from the Supreme court, we created a months long window where so many people were able to get affirming documents. This is amazing!

Since the start of the Trump administration, an organization called Just Security has been tracking every lawsuit against his executive actions (not just LGBTQ+ specific suits, but also things like climate, immigration, and more). Here’s where we stand so far:

Presidencies are temporary (despite what your doomscrolling might be telling you), and our ability to throw literally hundreds of costly, time-consuming roadblocks in front of him is an amazing way to limit harm, ruin DOJ morale/staffing numbers, and force his team to give up on some issues to be able to keep working on others.

These numbers also speak to something wonderful: our advocates are PREPARED. We came into this presidency charged up and ready to go, and these legal organizations like A4TE, Glad Law, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU have worked tirelessly to keep our community safe. It’s not just queer orgs, either. I’ve been SO thrilled to see so many state Attorney Generals (a role, I’ll admit, I barely understood until this year) standing incredibly firm in their support for trans kids and their families.

I love a superhuman like Janet Mills, the governor of Maine, who so casually told Trump she’d “see him in court” when he asked why she wasn’t following his directives on banning trans students from sports. She did end up seeing him in court… and beating him too!

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Culture Wins:

I know how things might feel from looking only at the news or social media, but as I’ve written about many times before, from here on the ground things look pretty different. The PFLAG chapters I join are getting more full than ever. There are more churches reaching out ready to get involved with advocacy. The small town advocacy groups are deciding to think bigger, to make real changes in their neighborhoods. Last fall, I spent nearly four months on the road talking to people all over the country (mostly in small towns and “red” states) and found my heart deeply bolstered by the amount of beautiful stories of change I got to witness everywhere. If you want to read a recap of that journey, check out this article here:

None of this is happening by accident. People are finally feeling bold enough to confront their uncle about his transphobic comments, or to come out to grandma not knowing how she’ll react All these conversations that turn trans and queer folks from an issue into a person are genuinely moving people.

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Resistance Wins:

I’ve been so, so pleased at the scope, strategy, and courage of the countless forms of resistance we’ve seen around the country. From record-shattering No Kings Day protests to the Portland Frog.

This article, from whom I sourced the image, is an excellent description of “tactical frivolity” which is a new term for me that I am immediately obsessed with.

In my new home in Southern California, I’ve seen the beautiful ways our community rallied to care for and protect our immigrant neighbors, efforts that have been replicated in every city where ICE has deigned to plant their vile boots.

Five of the biggest school districts in Virginia have stood up to funding threats from the department of education, and when Rainbow crosswalks are banned, people show up with chalk, and bike racks, and church steps, and flashlights, and anything else they can think of to bring the color back into their communities. When DOGE cut funding for queer historical markers across the state of Ohio, a group of lesbian activists and historians sprung into action to fund it themselves, and then the grant was restored!

I hear about doctors planning to open private clinics to get around HHS attacks, and the Trans Youth Emergency Project and Elevated Access connecting so many youth to resources around the country, and Point of Pride helping cover healthcare costs, and TransSanta making sure trans folks get to feel loved during the holidays, and FUTR fighting to elect trans candidates, and PFLAG v. Trump being the coolest lawsuit title of all time. Our resistance is everywhere.

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The Wins we Cannot Measure:

If you are reading this, it means you have survived. We are still living. We are still going to school. We are still getting married, which remains fully legal and protected in The US and additionally protected newly in the European Union. We are still getting affirming haircuts and creating theater and writing books and making art and seeing incredible queer stories all around us.

My wife and I are starting IVF and getting ready to have a freakin’ baby!!!! The world is continuing to spin, and we are continuing to stand on this strange little orb and asking how we can better take care of each other.

Erin Reed wrote a really phenomenal piece a few weeks ago titled “The Case for Hope: Transgender Rights Going into 2026” to summarize many of the areas we have successfully fought back, as well as the areas we thought would be bigger problems by now:

“Looking more broadly, there is no national federal bathroom ban. There is no total national ban on transgender youth healthcare. There is no nationwide sports ban enacted through a law passed by Congress—and many states continue to protect transgender participation in sports, despite capitulation by national sports organizations. Numerous states are still maintaining sanctuary-style protections, and people continue to travel across state lines to access the care they need. Quite simply, the administration is failing—often spectacularly—at erasing transgender people. They are making our lives harder, yes, but many of us are finding strength in community, sharing information, and relying on word of mouth to navigate around restrictions that are often riddled with holes and, with enough effort, still bypassable.”

We have so much further to go. We have so much at stake. We have so much we’ve lost. We have so many of our community members, especially trans women, trans kids, and black and brown trans people who are carrying far, far too much pain. And we will keep fighting this fight. We are alive. We are here. We are powerful. We are united. We are scrappy. We are ambitious. We are dreaming. We are loved, and we are not giving up.

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A question I ask myself often when going through something difficult in my life is “how do I need to grow to be able to meet this moment?” I think this year was a year in which a lot of us were asking that question. And my God, how we’ve grown. Look at how we’ve met this moment. It is nothing short of incredible to behold.

If you’re deciding you want to get more involved but are feeling a little nervous, don’t forget to check out one of my favorite pieces I’ve written:

Rest assured, there will be plenty more to do in the year to come. That’s all I’ve got for you today. But don’t forget to leave a comment letting me know what your favorite victory was from this year. What did I miss?

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That’s all he wrote! Until next time. All my love,

Ben

Thank you so much to everyone who filled out my year’s review survey. Rest assured that Oliver has now received 85 pets!! If you’d like to send Oliver a virtual “pet” (and spend 4 minutes helping me plan out the future of Good Queer News, the link is still live!

Pet Oliver (and take the survey)

This week I sat down with Nicole Gress (she/they), a speech pathologist and the Founder of Undead Voice, an amazing organization working to rebuild the whole practice of trans-affirming voice therapy into something accessible, joyful, and community-based. Even (and especially) in the face of mounting attacks on gender affirming healthcare, Nicole and her team have built something beautiful. This article fits right in with my piece from last week:

I’ll also highlight upfront the “why now” of this article: TODAY registration is opening for their latest cohort of a free voice training program called Jumpstart! This awesome program is designed to help folks of any age or identity take the first steps towards their voice goals (which can be so varied beyond just a femme/masc binary). If you’re already sold, here’s the link!

Jumpstart!

Without further adieu, let’s get into it!

Ben: Give me the story, who’s Nicole? How did Undead Voice Become a thing?

Nicole: Well, my name is Nicole Gress, I use she and they pronouns, I am a speech pathologist, and I’ve specialized in trans voice for about 12 years now. I started doing that work in more traditional medical settings. I worked in a hospital, in a private practice in the Bay Area, and not a single one of my patients ended up graduating from our services loving the way that they sounded. You know? That’s really frustrating.

I realized the methods we’re taught as speech pathologists were built to help people with voice disorders, not to shift how a voice is gendered. The intervention style of a weekly thirty minute technique lesson under horrible fluorescent lighting, followed by being expected to practice by yourself, alone, either in your car or quietly in your room so nobody hears you if you’re struggling is not really conducive to having a positive, happy, euphoric experience transitioning your voice.

So I redesigned the entire system.

I started Undead Voice six years ago, and we changed everything end to end. So how people train, how people access the virtual platform, and we made it a community based program. That way, you have a lot of peers that you’re going through the program with that you can lean on in motivation and support. Really, the main point was to make it inclusive and accessible. Keeping in mind the strong prevalence of neurodiversity within our community, how can we make this sensory friendly? Being able to do your work virtually, on your own timeline, means you can control your whole sensory environment and not feel pressure or self judgment if you’re not progressing in the way that you’re expected to.

It’s also inclusive of age—our youngest person right now is nine, but we’ve had six year olds hang out with us before! We have a whole youth program as well.

We also wanted it to be inclusive of all gender identities because most traditional voice training just targets people who want a higher brighter voice or in air quotes “feminized voice”. And so our program and the whole methodology and the framework is for people across the entire gender spectrum, all the goal voices!

All that’s keeping community at the very center of the experience because it’s such a lonely, scary thing to try to change the way that you sound. It’s such a huge part of our identity. A lot of times people get roadblocked or get frustrated or stop practicing not because they don’t understand the techniques or what to do, but they can’t see anybody who has gone through and been successful, so there’s a lot of self doubt that creeps in.

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Ben: Wow. That’s so cool. A big thing for Good Queer News is obviously talking about joy, and I love all the different ways you’ve decided to really make this a joyful process. Tell me a little bit more about what it looks like to lean into joy with voice training.

Nicole: Yeah! I mean, fun is really at the center of it. So a lot of times, voice training can feel like: hit this note or repeat this technical exercise, and we try to use much more character or improv techniques. Most of what you can do with your voice already exists within your vocal range. It’s just figuring out what prompts will help get you there.

So that’s where we’re the most playful as we embody different scenarios or characters, like a kindergarten teacher or a high school teacher, a parent reprimanding their kid or yelling at your pet dog or cuddling your sweet cat whatever it is. It’s giving people access to different vocal characteristics through embodying characters.

It’s a very playful and disarming and effective way to approach voice. So, of course, we have the science and then we have the joy of sharing your wins no matter how big or small. Having people witness and recognize the work that you’re doing and how it’s paying off is just a magical experience. It’s magical, and it’s euphoric.

Ben: So is it a live community gathering? Is it a feed or a group chat? What does the community look like?

Nicole: All of the above! So we have two main programs. We have our full voice training platform called Undead Voice Lab, and then we have an intro program called Jumpstart.

So the full voice program is a combination of prerecorded courses that you go through based on what your voice goals are, where you learn the exercises, and then we have a private community platform. In there, there are daily practice groups where peers get together to practice whatever voice training they’re working on and just socialize and have a fun, safe space to use your affirming voice as you’re practicing.

And then we have social events, we have holiday parties to do letter writing with Point of Pride and Tarot reading for halloween, and there’s chat threads that are going all day every day. There’s about 4,000 people on the platform each day, so it’s a big community.

On top of all that, we have group coaching calls that happen every week plus asynchronous coaching so you can send a video or audio clip for feedback or ask a question when you actually are practicing so that you get help at that moment.

Ben: That’s so amazing and so important, especially in the context of such an anti-trans climate right now. How have you all seen your work impacted by the world we’re living in? Is this where Jumpstart fits in?

This year, in response to what’s currently happening with disappearing or rapidly threatened access to gender affirming care, we were like, “hey, we have this wonderful program that we wish everybody could get into, but the truth is that people need access to resources right now so they can feel safe and confident and secure, especially in those states where care is banned or really difficult to access for youth and adults because we work with people of all ages.

I wanted to take the curriculum of Undead VoiceLab and pull out the most impactful pieces and create a stand alone intro resource, and that is called Jumpstart. We created and beta tested it last year, then launched it this year completely free. It’s three 90-minute group sessions where you learn how to have a healthy voice, how to warm up your voice, and how to decide what your goals are for your voice. We go through exercises in all five “pillars of voice” and then in the third week we’ll teach you how to build out a plan for your voice training, whether we’re included in that or not.

(and if you’d like to learn more about what goes down in Jumpstart, you can check it out here: https://www.undeadvoice.com/joinjumpstart)

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Ben: What an amazing program! How did the first year go?

This year alone, we ran the program 20 times with almost 200 partner organizations. In 2026, we’re hoping to triple that. We partnered with nonprofits, healthcare institutions, community groups, and really anyone who is excited about helping people access affirming voice training.

We’ve reached about 40,000 people through the program so far, including partnering with Edovo to get a pre-recorded version of the program onto the tablets of incarcerated transgender people.

Ben: Wow. That’s ridiculously cool, and I love how committed you are to really trying to get this program, for free, to the people who need it most. This seems like a really beautiful experience.

Nicole: Thank you. I know. I get excited to talk about these things because it’s, you know, running a business is a wild experience, but being able to experience even moments of that visceral joy that happens is amazing. When somebody finds a sound of their voice that they love, you can see it wash over their body. Their breathing steadies, their eyes kind of clear, and you can see that fear disappear as their voice and their speaking shifts from feeling effortful or uncomfortable to just a sense of ease and comfort.

After the body shifts, it’s like there’s an awareness that kind of lands, and it’s all these thoughts. I can answer the phone without bracing, and I’m reading to my kid without flinching at my sound, I can speak up in a meeting at work without that fear. It’s just been amazing to see real life goals be met because of being able to shift the way that we’re prioritizing what success looks like or joy looks like in voice.

Ben: I love that so much. Thanks so much for joining us, and for all the good you put into the world, Nicole!

With access to gender-affirming care disappearing across the country, we refuse to let trans people be left without options to find a more affirming voice. That’s why I’m proud to partner with Undead Voice as they offer Jumpstart Your Voice Transition completely free this year.

Jumpstart is a three-week, expert-led virtual masterclass led by the team at Undead Voice, designed to give trans and gender-diverse people real, actionable tools to shape their voice—no gatekeeping, no insurance battles, no barriers. Registration for this round is open from the 2nd through the 18th, and sessions begin shortly. If you’ve been thinking about joining, now is the time!

SAVE MY SPOT!

P.S. Can’t make it this round? Jumpstart runs multiple times a year. Join the WAITLIST to be notified when doors open again!

Join the waitlist!

That’s all for now! If this seems like a resource someone you love could benefit from, don’t forget to send it their way!

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Before we start that, a note: PROMO Missouri, one of my favorite organizations doing unbelievable deep canvassing work in conservative and rural MO, is only $7k away from their end-of-year match goal of $100,000 to build safety for trans people in Missouri. This November they’re coming up against the first ever ballot initiative to constitutionally ban gender affirming care for youth, and conservatives around the country are watching very closely to see if this is a good use of time and money. If we beat it in Missouri, we can beat it anywhere and encourage hatemongers to quit before they start!

As always, if you make a donation of ANY size to PROMO and message me afterwards, I’ll give you a free upgrade to the GQN paid tier!

Donate to PROMO!

Where we’ve been

At the start of this year, I had about 2,700 subscribers, and at the time that number felt unreal. Over the summer, I passed 10,179—the population of the town where I grew up. Now, I sit just past the threshold of 16,000 people here with me, and it feels unbelievable. At the same time, it feels perfectly believable. I’ve worked really, really hard (as have many of you!) to share this newsletter with as many new people as possible, and to build it into a voice worth reading.

I’ve had a few pieces that were particularly popular this year that I’m very proud of:

I also sent out a reader feeback survey, and I’m immensely grateful to the 72 of you who’ve responded so far. I’m using these results directly to write and plan out all my content research, and new projects for next year. If you have an opinion on that, I’d love to hear about it.

Tragically, only 57 people have checked the box to pet Oliver, the Chief Barketing Officer. That’s 79%, A C+.

Take the survey and pet oliver!

One of the things that has come up already a number of times in the survey is that folks are very curious about where their subscription or donation actually goes. Why do you need to sign up for a paid subscription? What kind of difference does it really make? It is an incredibly valid question. Generally speaking, most people don’t like to send money into the void. So in an effort to be a little less void-like, here’s what I do with the subscription revenue from the 350 (!!!!) of you who so generously support the work that I do.

Subscribe now

Go to therapy

My job is to make sure that 16,000 people plus their friends and loved ones don’t give up hope even on the darkest days. Of course I’m in therapy. I think of therapy in the same category as going to the gym. I’m mostly not going for acute issues. I’m building the muscles I need to be strong enough for each new challenge as it comes.

Family support

Families come to me frequently seeking guidance, care navigation, support, and mentorship for their younger trans loved ones. Because I’m reasonably financially secure, I don’t need to start making this into a business service. I can get on the phone with whoever needs me, for free, as often as I can.

Mentorship for new speakers and advocates.

As soon as I became decently well established as a public speaker, I started having people reach out to me asking how I do it, how I’ve managed to make a career out of what I love to do. Where I could choose to be cagey and competitive, I share my Google Drive folder called “everything I know about public speaking” and I let people spend as long as they want asking me whatever I want. I have no spirit of competition or secrecy, And my career goals are to work myself out of a job and spend all my time reading and writing fantasy and hosting themed dinner parties.

Buy me a coffee!

Give free presentations!

This year, I gave about 85 presentations. 40 of those were given for free or incredibly reduced cost (many of which I traveled to deliver!) Because I know that I’m making money from corporate speaking engagements and my work here on Substack, these free presentations don’t in any way feel like people are taking advantage of me. They feel like a gift that I am able to give back to my community.

No part of me ever intends to stop doing free presentations or writing free articles. All the brainstorming I’m doing to grow Good Queer News into a sustainable business is so that I can spend even more time doing free presentations. I want to spend more time with churches and synagogues and PFLAG chapters and grandparents support groups and queer summer camps and across kitchen tables and in tiny towns and everywhere I can get to learn about what other beautiful, joyful, hopeful things are happening and then bring them back here to share with you all. This is the goal I am in service of.

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Make Donations!

In September, I ran a promotion that half of all new subscriber subscriber revenue being donated to one of my favorite organizations, PROMO Missouri. I’m over the moon that I was able to send $1,500 their way, which was doubled thanks to their generous match donor.

Live?

It would be dishonest of me to say that every dollar of my subscriber revenue has gone right back into the work. A huge proportion of it has, but I’m also a person! I’ve used the money to buy fancy ingredients to make nice dinners for my friends. I’ve used the money to save up for IVF so that my wife and I can afford to try to have a baby next year (How’s that for good news?) I’ve used the money to buy myself milkshakes as part of my post speech ritual and queer books from indie bookstores to research my next books on healthy masculinity and the power of joy. I’ve used the money to tip into mutual aid funds and to pay my own bills and to take my wife on a good date and to be a person.

Where does that leave you?

Now for the record, I’m not asking you to give me your last $5. Nothing I do is nearly so desperate and I’m going to keep doing all this stuff either way. You could give your money to a nonprofit or a friend in need or a local business, and all those will be just as, if not even more impactful. And, I promise the money you send here to me—whether through paid subscriptions or through my Ko-fi tip link or through helping me set up a speech in your home town—is getting put to good use.

And if you can’t afford to donate, I want you to know that almost all of my content will still always be accessible to you. Joy should never sit behind a paywall. I’m so glad that you are here, and I genuinely and truly do not want you to feel any guilt for a paid subscription not being possible right now. If I’m allowed to be a person, so are you!!!

Inspired (actually straight up thefted) from my brilliant friend Aidan Wharton and his amazing Substack Gay Buffet, here are a few sliding scale options for paid subscriptions. Nothing is ever expected or required, but everything is appreciated.

20% off!

50% off!

80% off!

If there comes a moment where I am desperate, I’ll let you know. But for now, the words I have are grateful and energized. At the end of this week, I have a really cool interview coming out. So for now, I just want to wish you all a safe and beautiful New Year.

Don't forget the feedback survey!

Warm Fuzzies

I love you all. Thank you truly for being here. There are so many of you who have sent this newsletter to literally hundreds of people, who send me good news whenever you see it, who multiply the joy I write about by sharing your own in the comments. So many of you who have just reached out to me with kindness to make sure I’m taking care of myself and to thank me or to let me know my website is broken or to offer help you with social media. Every one of you is a gift to me. I’m giddy looking out at what I’ve built over the last year. Thank you.

See y’all on the other side!

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Hey, folks. I know there’s a lot of fear and uncertainty these days about what’s going to happen and what’s already happening with gender affirming care, I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the short term. But here’s what I DO know:

One, trans people will always exist. We have existed for centuries. And two, while this access to care is indeed life changing and life giving, health care is not what gives us permission to exist. Health care is not what defines our validity. Healthcare is one tool in a toolbox of many to help our lives feel worth living.

For today’s article, I think it’s important for us to spend some time reflecting on what else is in that toolbox.

This is not accepting defeat, or telling us we need to learn to live without gender affirming care. This is a moment to root ourselves into the resilience and radicalism and beauty of our queer ancestors.

I think it’s also good to give a really gentle nudge here that almost all of these forms of gender affirmation are also things enjoyed by cisgender people. Gender affirming care is an amazing tool to help us build a home in our bodies and nearly every person does not have access to a body that feels perfect. Body image concerns are being constantly worsened by social media use and the million bajillion Ozempic commercials (the even got Serena freaking williams!!! devastating) and healing our relationships to our bodies is a part of affirming gender that shouldn’t be undercut.

So what else is in our toolbox?

Clothing and Style!

Style inspo! Find people with a similar build to you to act as “style inspirations”. Rather than just focusing on “what should someone of this gender look like?” remember that different clothes are built for different bodies. There are broad shouldered, tall women. There are short men. There are women with long limbs and there are men with wide hips and there are very few body types that are truly unique to one biological sex regardless of what modern media might lead you to believe.

Clothing swaps! Don’t have the ability to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe? Me neither! We can also look into Queer and trans clothing swaps where folks are able to bring clothes that no longer fit or affirm them and trade them out for others. Is there one coming up in your neighborhood or metropolitan area? If not, these can be relatively easy to organize as a one-off event. Even if you think you wouldn’t do it perfectly, remember our motto: perfect is the enemy of done.

Shapewear! Shapewear is the umbrella term for garments and tools to help your body take on a different shape. Chest binders, tucking underwear, TransTape, packers, prosthetics and can help us find a more affirming silhouette. A reminder also that plenty of cis people aren’t thrilled with their own silhouettes, which is why we have push up bras and booty lifter leggings and t shirts fit to make your muscles look bigger or those shirts with abs printed on them. Shapewear is magic!

Hair! I cannot stress enough what an amazing tool hair and hairstyling is for gender affirmation. If you need help finding an affirming barbershop or salon, look no further than Strands for Trans, an amazing database of welcoming spots around the world to get your hair done. All my allies in the house, encourage your hair salon to sign up, too!

Makeup! If you’ve ever seen a drag queen or a drag queen king, you likely understand the shape shifting powers of these magical materials for masculinizing, feminizing, or androgynizing your face. Though drag performers are often doing their makeup in a way that’s over the top—intentionally so by nature of the art form—there’s also so many incredible ways that are much more subtle to do makeup for work or a social gathering or even just for feeling seen at home.

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What about someone who’s closeted?

Create micro-welcoming spaces! In the beginning of my transition, I had almost no spaces where I could go and truly let my guard down. I was not out to my family or to most of my friends or to people at school. So most of the time, I was disappearing into the costume of the girl people saw me as. But my girlfriend at the time had told her mom (with my permission), and even if she might not have understood exactly what I was going through, she wanted to support me. When I came over to their family’s house for Friday night pizza dinners, they would all wear their most comfortable clothes and I would be found in a button down and a binder and a tie. They called me “Mr. Greene”. In those moments, I was truly and completely Ben. I was completely safe. Even if it was once a week or less, knowing there was somewhere I could be completely seen really and truly got me through that era of my life.

Maybe you take your friend or your loved one to a nail salon that’s a little extra far away, or you construct a fake nail salon in your house to give them the experience before they’re ready to go out in public. Maybe you close the blinds and put on the handsomest suits or the most stunning dresses you can find and you have a fancy dinner completely as yourselves. Maybe you keep a little box in your closet of affirming clothes just for them that they can wear when they come over.

If your trans kid can’t be out at school, consider a “transformation ritual” they can go through every time they get home to put on an outfit that makes them feel seen.

Expand opportunities to play! While some of the rules of gender and identity are a bit more socially rigid, there are certain opportunities we can build a little extra freedom. Maybe play a Dungeons and Dragons campaign where your friend can roleplay as their actual identity. Hang out with little kids and play dress up or nail painting. Play!

Look to the web! If we cannot find spaces where we feel seen, we can try to build them. Maybe it’s online communities, like discords, or support groups. Or a weekly social call to play board games or catch up with a group of queer friends that live in different places. Where can you feel seen?

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Exercise!

Strength training! Yeah. This is a big one. It took me a while to be willing to exercise, to be blunt. I had a lot of hesitations. I was lazy, yes, but to tell the truth, I was also ashamed to associate myself with anything too “masculine” because part of me was still viewing masculinity as something inherently kind of evil.

But as I started to spend more time working out with my wife, building more reliable routines and getting form guidance from my younger sister, I started to work through that relationship in a lot of ways that made a really major difference for me.

What was miraculous to me was learning about the in-depth world of trans fitness coaches online. By choosing to emphasize certain forms of exercise, certain types of strength training, there is a significant amount that you can do to build your body into a shape that’s more affirming. Since I started working out, for example, my shoulders pop like hell in a way that I’m really excited about and affirmed by.

I don’t care if you’re going to the gym. I don’t care if you’re running. The specifics don’t matter to me at all. Making a regular habit of moving your body is amazing for thousands of reasons for pretty much every type of person. Aerial silks, a queer softball league, watching a trans personal trainer on youtube, yoga, long walks, dancing, anything!

Voice Training! While HRT or puberty blockers are sometimes the easiest way to change the sound of your voice, there are also so many things you can do with breath, pitch, and tone to alter your sound in a way that’s affirming. I actually have a longer article coming out about voice training in a week or two, but here’s a resource that’s a great place to start: https://www.undeadvoice.com/

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Expanding the Gender Box

Rethink gendered rituals! Shaving facial hair is one of the most conventionally gendered rituals I can think of. Even if, for the record, many cisgender women grow facial hair and just are forced to pretend they don’t. Before my testosterone kicked in, I found myself feeling quite sad that I didn’t have a beard. So what did I do? I shaved. Did that make my beard grow in faster? No. But what’s the result of shaving? I don’t have a beard. I created an alternative logical pathway in my brain: I have a routine of shaving, and this is why I do not have a beard.

Conversely, perhaps you are a cis woman, and you have a trans woman in your life. Consider implementing a new “girl time” ritual in which you do a variety of fun self-care and skincare tasks. Including shaving, both of you. It doesn’t matter whether or not you actually have a beard. You can shave too, and nothing bad will happen. By turning it into a larger ritual that you share together and marking it specifically as a girl time ritual, you take away the isolating or gendered association with the activity.

Get pronouns right!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the biggest reasons I wanted top surgery was because I felt no one would ever see/respect/love me as a man until my body looked more masculine. I imagine the stakes might not have felt so high if I knew that the people closest to me could see me no matter what, and pronouns are the biggest indication of that.

Don’t impose gender dysphoria! This is a particular reminder for parents and loved ones of folks who came out really young. Young trans kids, including the young adults those kids grow up to become, don’t have the same associations with “girl parts” and “boy parts” that we do. Sometimes kids will express to us that they have dysphoria, but sometimes parents will jump to worrying that even though their kid sees their parts as totally normal, other people might not. But your kid isn’t transitioning for other people—they’re doing it for them. We have to make sure to let them lead the way on this conversation and avoid labeling parts by gender.

Community

Find your people! For so many trans people, it’s a hard time right now. Doing it alone certainly isn’t going to make things any easier! Consider finding other trans people who have gone through similar things. If you’re a trans parent, you could find a support community through Pregnant Together. If you’re going through voice training or interested in learning more about it, you could do that through a community based program with undead voice. You could join a queer book club or a queer mutual aid group or form a support or social group. What matters is finding a community that works for you.

That’s all I’ve got for you all today, but I know these aren’t all the strategies that work for people! My audience is pretty evenly divided between loved ones of trans kids and trans folks themselves, and for my fellow trans folks I think this is a wonderful opportunity for us to pass some hard-learned wisdom down to younger trans generations!

Let us know in the comments: besides medical transitioning, what has brought you the most joy or affirmation in your identity?

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Top line overview for those who don’t have time to read the whole article:

Good news: Oklahoma’s Christian nationalist social studies curriculum was struck down in court. Rainbow Crosswalk resistance is popping up in Florida. New Zealand puberty blocker ban struck down, and more!

Actions to take: Contact your electeds in the house of representatives to let them know how you feel about their vote on Marjorie Taylor Greene’s health care ban. Write love letters through the queer resilience project for the holidays. Buy holiday gifts for trans people through Trans Santa. And fill out the Good Queer News feedback survey!

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Back at it again, aren’t we? I know it’s been a heavy week for about a 100 reasons.

As a trans person and a Jewish person this week has certainly felt landed like a double whammy of epic proportions. But even when the news feels like it’s falling apart, as it so often does, I find some amount of peace in leaning on my personal rules for media engagement. Some rules have a little more flexibility—on the day I knew there was going to be a house vote on a bill pertaining to the trans community, I checked the news more than twice a day to specifically seek out the update I was looking for.

I did not, however, leave C-SPAN on in the background. Passive news intake is, for me, far more hurtful than it is helpful for staying informed. And I’m still never allowed to check the news in bed. No sun in the sky? No news. Everything will always be urgent, which also means that nothing is. And all we can do is come to it when we are ready.

Also, if you’re currently stressing about the new proposed regulations from the centers for medicare and medicaid, please take a minute to read through the article that I wrote when the regulations were leaked a few months ago.

What’s going on in the House?

The House of Representatives voted on and ultimately passed a deeply horrible Felony health care ban for transgender youth. Three Democrats voted yes. Four Republicans voted no.

Today, they voted on a similar bill that would target medicaid coverage for gender affirming care for trans youth. It also passed the house with four democrat yes votes and zero republican no’s.

ALL of our electeds should be hearing from us about these bills, whether it’s to thank them for voting no or to remind them that we see them voting yes, and we can’t wait to show up for their midterm challenger.

The good news is, both bills have much steeper odds of success in the senate, needing seven democrats to defect and vote yes. They’re very unlikely to pass, but still every vote will count. Please call your senator and tell them to vote no if this comes for a vote in the senate.

In the meantime, there’s not what else much else we can do but breathe and know that we and the many passionate advocates we have in state houses and law firms and advocacy organizations and at your neighbor’s kitchen table are doing everything we can to fight back against these bills. We must take a sense of personal responsibility but should avoid putting the weight entirely onto our own shoulders. We are not powerless.

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On to the good news! Because, yes, good news is still happening.

Before he resigned to work in the private sector, Oklahoma state superintendent Ryan Walters attempted to create and enforce a new social studies curriculum specifically focused on promoting Christianity and Christian values. Fortunately, this week, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State, an amazing legal organization, was able to get that curriculum struck down by the state supreme court! (AU)

In New Zealand, their courts have issued a preliminary injunction halting their puberty blockers ban for transgender youth, restoring access to care across the country while a full judicial review is performed. (Royal New Zealand)

Drag queen, park ranger, and climate activist Pattie Gonia hiked 100 miles in full drag to raise over ONE MILLION dollars for 8 different inclusive outdoor groups. Yet another phenomenal example of leading with joy to truly build the world we want to live in. (LGBTQ Nation)

When Ron Desantis declared that all rainbow crosswalks must be removed from Florida, folks had all sorts of ideas to keep the spirit of pride alive. First it was re-drawing the rainbow in chalk, then it was adding rainbows to private parking lots and entrances. Now, the latest installment: rainbow bike racks!

In Missouri, the amazing tireless advocates for Protect MO Voters have turned in over 300,000 signatures on a last-minute petition for a “citizens veto” of the proposed gerrymandered map passed this summer. Missouri has truly become a beautiful proving ground for the power of grassroots pushback and the presence of truly good people everywhere, even in a republican supermajority state. (AP News)

In Indiana, Republicans have roundly rejected Trump’s attempts to force the state to gerrymander their districts in advance of the midterm elections, directly citing that his bullying had gone too far (CNN). This and many other signs of Trump’s decline in power are delightful to me. If you’d like a longer article on this, you should check out this piece by Michael Sellers from last week that I found to be a tremendous bright spot when it comes to resistance against Trump’s authoritarian bullshit.

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What other actions can we take this week?

Yes, I think it matters to call our elected officials, AND there are also some really delightfully joyful things we can do as well. Here are a few ideas:

1. Check out the amazing organization TransSanta and donate to a trans person’s holiday wish list!

2. Write a love note to the trans community here!

3. Check out the last recap of love notes, because you deserve a little extra tenderness.

4. Fill out the Good Queer News feedback survey! https://forms.gle/2XTgSNvptU8mAT627

5. Missing items for your holiday gift list? Consider making a donation to a queer nonprofit (or buying something cool from their merch store) in honor of a loved one!

6. Pick a trans friend in your life. Reach out to them to tell them you love them, and that you have their back. It’s been a hard week.

That’s all the news that’s fit to print for now! Hope you all are staying safe and warm. I know this winter is feeling particularly brutal—and I’m not talking about the weather. But we will stick together, keep fighting, and I know that we will make it through.

All my love,

Ben