A week in the life of an advocate for change (me!)
I just returned home from a week of teaching, learning, advocating, hiking, and eating. Let's talk about it!
The past week has been an absolute whirlwind of community, seeking joy, and working for change. It brought a number of important reminders and meaningful insights, and I'm so excited to tell you more about it! The top level highlights:
Teaching about trans rights in a rural community
Important dialogues about mental health
Talking to teenagers that restored my faith in the world
Being on NPR!
Surprising conversations with conservative family members
Also, before we get in any further, don't forget that I have a live coming up with
in TWO DAYS!! They're the joyful mind behind "Trans News that Doesn't Suck", as well as the author of multiple incredible books.One other (free!) action I want to highlight at the top of this edition: The Trans Voices Project (run by a trusted friend) is looking for trans adults to answer a few questions via zoom interview to be used as educational and inspirational material for trans youth. This project is an amazing way to help trans kids envision a future with them in it. Check it out, or send it to a friend or family member who might be interested!
Okay, let's jump in!
The Adventure Begins…
The adventure started on Wednesday when I flew into Charlotte and met up with a dear friend (and the superhero who put this whole trip together). We had a wonderful dinner at the restaurant of a staunch and generous ally to a range of causes, then went to see some local theater. We ended up spending much of the evening discussing impact theater, artistic responsibility, and the ways artists can and do change the world with their work. It was incredibly energizing in the lead up to a few major presentations.
Lesson 1: Charge your batteries IN ADVANCE, not just when they're empty. Good friends, good art, and good food are great ways to keep your heart full.
Thursday morning, I got up early to head over to Charlotte Talks, a local NPR station with a great daily radio show. The host and I had a phenomenal conversation about trans joy, hope, and some of the political challenges facing our community right now. He asked some really tremendous questions and our interview hit on a lot of highly contentious areas.
After a packed day of zoom meetings and writing, I was off to host my first main event of the trip: a film screening at the independent picture house about trans mental health, followed by a panel with myself, Dr. Sebastian Barr (a friend and low-key celebrity in the world of trans mental health), Kathleen Clark from Identiversity, and Diana Merrifield from NAMI Charlotte.
Many of the people in the audience were super new to the topic, whether they were a group of teens who attended the screening together or one of the older couples who'd heard me on NPR that morning and were eager to hear me talk more. There's nothing quite like being able to tell that the words I'm saying are impacting someone in a very new way.
A highlight of the event for me was getting to hear the stories of many of the couples who came with their trans children in mind. Of particular note to me was a Baptist minister, an Episcopalian minister, and a few other regular church-goers. All the folks I talked to were so excited to be able to show up better for their loved ones.
Lesson 2: Everyone has the ability to choose to love their child, no matter where they might've started. It takes tremendous courage to confront your worldview in that way, but to do so is a profound act of love.
During the chit-chat after the event, I ended up spending a while hanging out with a very cool and talented spoken word artist named Zulynette who opened the event with a phenomenal poem about queerness and inner-teenagers.
The event was fantastic, and that much socializing and teaching can also take a lot of energy. Usually my post-event ritual is a solitary milkshake, but I invited Zulinet and her partner along and we ended up spending over an hour talking about community building, social change, hope, and good books (because I never shut up about good books). We also talked about her new book of poems, "Becoming a Soft Woman with a Machete" that's now available online!!!
Lesson 3: Sometimes our bodies pull towards isolation because we need rest. Other times, it's just a habit that pushes us towards disconnection. If you have an opportunity to sit down with another human to build a genuine, heart-to-heart connection, reach for it with both hands.
I passed out, and Friday morning woke up feeling energized, with a little extra buzz in my body. I knew I had a catch-up call scheduled with one of my favorite people, which is also a very energizing ritual, so I decided to pair that with a long walk around a nearby park. Goodness gracious was it lovely to be surrounded by trees while talking to the people I love.
Lesson 4: I know this is basic AF, but don't undercount the value of moving your body in a way that brings you joy, and of spending time out in nature. Learn what it feels like in your body when you crave these things. (for me, it's being extra tired, or a bit snappy).
I also got to spend the afternoon talking to a dear friend about the first draft of my fantasy novel. We spent well over an hour trading ideas, giving feedback and generative criticism, filling plot holes, and making the book so much better.
Lesson 5: Having people that you trust to do more than just compliment you or be there with you in your shining moments is crucial. We grow by sitting with the people we trust and hearing what we can do better.
Finally, it was time for Friday night, which was a real showstopper of an event. I joined the teenagers of the organization "Playing for Others", an incredible nonprofit helps teens grow through personal development, community service, and the arts.
I joined 15 incredible teens for a workshop on storytelling for social change. We talked about how and why we tell stories, and then they each had an opportunity to practice telling their story with only one rule: we were going to be the most hype audience of all time.
One by one, the kids got up to talk about issues that mattered to them, or about how much PFO had brought them out of their shell, or of the first friend they'd made. It was incredible to watch each one of them truly shining in a room full of people who were so excited for them.
The space was phone-free, full of genuine conversation and enthusiasm, and felt near-utopic from the starting gratitude circle to the closing ritual to bring us back together.
Lesson 6: Looking to young people is a truly incredible way to feel hopeful about the future. Whatever you might fear about the harms of social media or growing disconnection, it's remarkable to see how enthusiastic kids are when you show them that there's another way.
After that, it was a night of playing virtual wingspan in my hotel room with my wife and friends from afar. Saturday morning, I drove to Hendersonville to spend some quality time with my family that lives out there, then I headed further west to arrive just in time for some live music in Highlands, NC.
I spent the evening with a group of local advocates laughing, dancing, and getting to know each other. I stayed in a guest suite of one of the local leaders of Indivisible Highlands, and I spent the next morning eating a fresh tomato pie with my hosts before we set off for a hike with a few other local advocates and lovely people.
While we climbed, we swapped book recommendations, we talked about hope, we debated strategies for getting through to others. Deep in the woods we got in some great exercise and dreamed of the world we wanted to build.
Lesson 7: Let yourself be loved. Let yourself feel joy. Let yourself have fun. Change work does not always need to be tense meetings or dense nonfiction, does not need to always leave you feeling emptier afterwards. It can and should be about balancing the hard, uncomfortable moments with moments of real joy.
After a few hours of writing in a cute local coffee shop, it was finally time for the grand finale of my NC events: a presentation on trans rights and trans lives for the Highlands chapter of Indivisible, the national organization behind 'No Kings Day". For some of the audience the topic was brand new, for others it hit very close to home with loved ones they were terrified for.
Many people in my life, both in and out of North Carolina, had expressed surprise that I was going to be out in such a small, remote town. I've been doing this work for years, but I must admit when we had almost 40 people settle in for our event I was pleasantly surprised.
We laughed, we cried, people asked amazing questions about allyship and fighting back and were courageous in admitting when they didn't understand something. We gathered together for just over 3 hours, and before I left their leader reminded them of upcoming protests, events, and activations. They left with hugs, "I love yous", dinner plans, and new ideas for changemaking. This was grassroots advocacy in action and it was absolutely stellar to be a part of it.
Lesson 8: However you might feel about certain demographics, faith traditions, areas of the country, or types of communities, know that meaningful change work is happening absolutely everywhere. Even if you can't always see it.
After we wrapped up our final goodbyes, I hit the road and headed back to Hendersonville to spend the night with my family. Historically, we have not had a good track record of getting along politically, and I was quite nervous to come out to them all those years ago. They've been calling me Ben consistently for the past few years, and there's a lot of love here, but I also hadn't seen them since before the 2024 election and was feeling quite nervous.
Fortunately, I've spent the past 8 months studying messaging from brilliant minds like
and , who speak brilliantly about how we genuinely reach people and avoid bringing judgment or disdain into these conversations. As a result, we had a lot of really meaningful conversations (all while avoiding the big buzzwords) about healthcare access, corporate greed, legislative priorities, big money in politics, and disaster recovery. In addition to leaving very well fed, I left feeling more hopeful about the conversations that can and are happening at kitchen tables across the country.Lesson 9: It's not what you say, it's how you say it. While there are plenty of hot-button disagreements it's easy to fall back into, we need to challenge ourselves to listen to what people care about, align on values, and give nudges about how to work for the world we want to live in.
After a great lunch on Monday, I headed for the airport and was at last reunited with my beautiful wife and precious dog!! The trip was an exhausting whirlwind, but gosh was it full of meaning, fun and hope.
The fact that I was able to take all this time off of my day job of corporate speaking engagements is in large part due to my paid subscribers here. This week I know I genuinely made a huge difference for a lot of people, and if I didn't have the income I make from Substack, I'm not sure I would've been able to take so much time to make it happen. Whether you are just helping me spread the word, or contributing financially, I am so grateful to you all!!
The final, and corniest, lesson of this trip is this: We need each other. In all our messiness, realness, humanness, generosity, kindness, curiosity, etc. No one individually will be able to fix the world. But together, I firmly believe that it is not just possible but inevitable.
Keep it up, folks. There's always more joy to be built.
It was my joy and privilege to meet and talk with you! Thanks for the uplifting takeaways
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like such a fulfilling trip