I think you're brave and smart. I enjoy your writing, and I appreciate what fortitude it must have taken to make the transition, to be public about it, to write about it, to be willing to put yourself out there exposed and vulnerable. I applaud you and look forward to more good queer news! Love ,Virg
Thank you for sharing. I hear parents at PFLAG support meetings asking many of these same questions, but of the group, not their loved one. We encourage them to ask their questions of us; parents who’ve gone through this already and a few trans people who feel an obligation , especially to younger trans people, to help parents, friends and allies learn how to stand with trans people in a more meaningful and helpful way.
The legitimate fears, concerns and questions stand in the way of the ones they want to support. I believe your poem would be a huge support to them, but I won’t share it with anyone until you are ready and then only in ways you want.
Ben, this poem is so beautiful, and so real. You really point, in your gentle way, to the burden cis people put on trans and non-binary people. As someone said in a meeting I attended last night, "It's not the cis person's feelings that should matter in these situations, it's the trans person's feelings. We forget that." We all want grace, but we also all need to give grace, even while we are "just trying to learn".
Thank you so much for taking the risk to be so vulnerable and open here. It was powerful to read and I know my son has endured so many of those questions. Like someone else said, I think it would be very powerful for people to read this, and of course it’s you who makes the call and how broadly to share it. I feel grateful to have had this window into your experience.
This is really moving, Ben - thank you so much for sharing it with us! So much here sounds so familiar, and I'm reminded of some of the learning I've done around race: it's not the job of the marginalized to teach you how to treat us better. That said, I really understand the impulse to try to be understood that leads so many of us, especially when we're first starting out on the journey, to become on-call experts in transness, as exhausting as it can be. I came out a LOT later than you (at 61!), which led people to believe that I must know a lot more about being trans and what I was feeling/experiencing than I actually did. I felt so desperate to be understood that I would bare myself to people constantly, and it was exhausting and uncomfortable. Over time I've learned to have some boundaries to protect myself, but I can only imagine how awful that must have been for you at that age.
Thanks for taking the risk to share this widely. It can help those of us who are allies to be better allies. And it's beautiful.
I think you're brave and smart. I enjoy your writing, and I appreciate what fortitude it must have taken to make the transition, to be public about it, to write about it, to be willing to put yourself out there exposed and vulnerable. I applaud you and look forward to more good queer news! Love ,Virg
This is so lovely. Thank you so much!!
Lovely! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing. I hear parents at PFLAG support meetings asking many of these same questions, but of the group, not their loved one. We encourage them to ask their questions of us; parents who’ve gone through this already and a few trans people who feel an obligation , especially to younger trans people, to help parents, friends and allies learn how to stand with trans people in a more meaningful and helpful way.
The legitimate fears, concerns and questions stand in the way of the ones they want to support. I believe your poem would be a huge support to them, but I won’t share it with anyone until you are ready and then only in ways you want.
Ben, this poem is so beautiful, and so real. You really point, in your gentle way, to the burden cis people put on trans and non-binary people. As someone said in a meeting I attended last night, "It's not the cis person's feelings that should matter in these situations, it's the trans person's feelings. We forget that." We all want grace, but we also all need to give grace, even while we are "just trying to learn".
This poem is everything. It hit me like a brick to the face, but in a good way. I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing. Sending hugs.
Thank you so much for taking the risk to be so vulnerable and open here. It was powerful to read and I know my son has endured so many of those questions. Like someone else said, I think it would be very powerful for people to read this, and of course it’s you who makes the call and how broadly to share it. I feel grateful to have had this window into your experience.
This is really moving, Ben - thank you so much for sharing it with us! So much here sounds so familiar, and I'm reminded of some of the learning I've done around race: it's not the job of the marginalized to teach you how to treat us better. That said, I really understand the impulse to try to be understood that leads so many of us, especially when we're first starting out on the journey, to become on-call experts in transness, as exhausting as it can be. I came out a LOT later than you (at 61!), which led people to believe that I must know a lot more about being trans and what I was feeling/experiencing than I actually did. I felt so desperate to be understood that I would bare myself to people constantly, and it was exhausting and uncomfortable. Over time I've learned to have some boundaries to protect myself, but I can only imagine how awful that must have been for you at that age.
Thank you for sharing.
So good, Ben. Thank you for sharing.
Ben, I LOVE this. TY for sharing with us. Moving. Thought-provoking. Raw. Really powerful. So proud to be in your circle.
I love it, thank you for sharing ^_^. Also it's very relatable to me. I think I've been asked most of those questions XD.