Moving Tenderly Through the Winter of our Lives
How to live like we know spring is coming. Plus a breakdown of misconceptions about the power of an executive order.
Good morning, beloved readers. How are we doing today?
I know it's been a rough few days for many of us. For me, the days have been long and incredibly full, often leaving me truly wiped out, but against all odds I'm doing okay. I think in large part this is because nearly every night since the inauguration I've been either presenting for support groups and churches, attending a webinar/community gathering, or just hanging out with my wife, friends, and dog.
In short: I haven't been trying to go it alone. This has helped tremendously.
Some of my greatest sources of community and information right now have been webinars open to the general public! In particular, I've joined great events through groups including FUTR (families United for Trans Rights), GLAD (GLGBTQ+ Legal Advocates and Defenders), and A4TE (Advocates for Trans Equality).
I implore you reader, though the urge to isolate, to lock down and hide away is so strong, please resist that urge. Community is the best survival tool at our disposal. Always has been, always will be.
Here are a few highlights of good queer news stories from the week:
Just days after legalizing marriage equality in Thailand, the Thai government has made hormone replacement therapy free for over 200,000 Thai residents as a way to further support positive health outcomes for LGBTQ+ people. (LGBTQNation, 1/28)
Kalamazoo township in Michigan has put forth a proposal to become Michigan’s first sanctuary township for LGBTQ+ people and immigrants in response to Trump’s executive orders! They’ll vote on the proposal on February 10th (MSN, 1/26)
Michigan has added diverse sexual orientation and gender identities as protected groups under the state hate crime laws. (Advocate Magazine, 1/27)
The honorees and winners of the 2025 Stonewall Book Award have been announced! Queer and trans art and writing gets more brilliant and beautiful with every year. Check out some of the winners here.
Later on in this article, I want to share a few important reminders about executive orders, what they can do, and what they cannot do. But first, I want to share a few reflections on how I'm viewing this current winter of our lives, and how I'm preparing for spring.
Weathering The Winter Storm
For much of the beginning of January, St. Louis (like most places, thanks to the polar vortex) was bitterly cold. We were spending a lot of time inside braced against the weather, and it gave me some time to reflect on the ways we move through winter and how that might be applied to our lives right now.
The days feel much darker than they have for some time. The road ahead seems treacherous and dangerous. We wonder how we will manage to survive.
But there are ways we move through the winter tenderly. We stay highly informed about weather forecasts and adjust our travel plans appropriately, understanding there is only so much we can control. We treat ourselves with extra gentleness, cooking warm soups and wrapping ourselves in blankets for cozy, restful nights in. We develop language to talk openly about our struggles, and develop resources and strategies to deal with those struggles like SAD lamps. Most importantly: we plan for spring.
We are most certainly entering a period of winter right now, and it doesn't help anyone for me to pretend otherwise. This will be very different than the frolicking springtime and the colorful fall (though each season comes with its own challenges). Having the tools and the community to talk about the fears, the isolation, the hypervigilance, and the exhaustion many of us are already feeling will in turn help us find support for those things.
We also have to recognize that as the world becomes harsher, we have to become sources of warmth and comfort for ourselves and each other. We have to be intentional about the ways we look for joy, the ways we find security and rest and comfort, and the ways we share that with each other. We've got to take care of each other the best we can.
What strategies have you been using to keep yourself and others warm? Feel free to share them with each other in the comments!
Most importantly, we must continue to live knowing that spring will come, no matter how unlikely it may feel right now. During the most frigid moments, the darkest mornings, I often find myself doubting that the sun will ever come. But it does. Yes, Trump is president, and we don't know what fresh cruelty he will bring, but we can't give up on every dream we have because he might take it away.
Schedule your top surgery. Enroll in that degree program. Apply for that job. Tell that person you love them. Propose. Continue to live knowing that the spring will come. It's important to stay informed—to prepare for upcoming blizzards, but we do not spend the winter hiding for fear it might snow. Do not accept the obstacles that do not yet exist just because they might, and fight back against the ones that do.
Dream of a life beyond this winter, and know that every day is one step closer to that life.
Some Important Reminders about Executive Orders:
They are NOT LAWS! They cannot override existing laws, they cannot undermine the constitution, and they don’t have enforcement mechanisms for the American Public. An executive order is a notice from the president to federal agencies telling them how he’d like them to act/prioritize.
They also can't change state laws, and often require cooperation and enforcement from governors and attorneys general that have the ability and the backbone to push back.
Especially because they are not laws passed through congress, these orders rely on people assuming they have to comply and immediately bending the knee. DO NOT DO IT! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FOLLOW THESE ORDERS!
They are often written quickly and sloppily—leaving many major questions around implementation. This means that we cannot immediately jump to assuming or accepting the worst case enforcement scenario as true. Unclear implementation plans create opportunities for resistance and survival at every level
Many people, for example, have gone full “world is over” at the passport executive order. It’s not good, but it impacts ONE thing: For right now, no more SEX MARKER CHANGES on your PASSPORT. Why did I highlight those two things so big? Because I’ve had countless people reach out assuming they can’t change their name or photo on their passport, assuming they can no longer change their drivers license or birth certificate (state specific), or assuming their passport is invalid if they have changed the sex marker. None of these are true right now.
for more passport-related information, please check out this fact sheet on that whole executive order put together by many of the leading LGBTQ+ legal defense organizations
This brings me to my third reminder: These orders are meant to sow confusion, fear, exhaustion, and push us to give up. To quote Steve Bannon: "The Democrats aren't my enemy. The media is my enemy, and the way to deal with them is to flood the zone with shit". In addition to the ways these EOs impact our lives, their main goal is to create complete chaos and put us in a burned out "reaction mode" while he proves how strong he is while his friends clap. Don’t give up!!
While many of us are feeling "on the ropes" already, overwhelmed by the torrent of hate and wondering how we will go on, our legal defenders have been at the TOP of their game, filing quick and effective challenges. As someone from GLAD pointed out at a recent webinar I was on, we aren't coming into this with a blank legal landscape—we have substantial history and backing in civil rights case law to fight against so many of these orders. I know these orders will hurt people. I know they already are. But I need us to recognize them as temporary.
Legal challenges to Trump's BS have been as fast and furious as the orders themselves. Starting off strong with a lawsuit about the ethics/constitutionality of the department of government efficiency being filed one minute after the inauguration. As just a few other examples of the speed and strength of our defenders:
Transgender people in prisons: Lawsuit ongoing by GLAD (filed 6 days after EO)
Military Ban: Lawsuit filed by the National Center for Lesbian Rights and GLAD, on Tuesday (filed <24 hours after EO)
Ending birthright citizenship: 3 separate lawsuits filed, enforcement prevented pending full trial (filed 3 days after EO)
To properly function, these orders require compliance from federal agencies and employees. While there are certainly going to be plenty of leaders and individuals who bend the knee and kiss the crown, it's not everyone.
The federal government, as it turns out, is also full of many devoted individuals who have committed their careers to the oath they took to defend the constitution, and they intend to do so. I recently scrolled through this reddit thread on r/fednews (a forum for government employees) with countless government employees sharing their goals to stay in the government and undermine tyranny at every turn. To the federal employees who are choosing to stay to make a difference—I applaud you. History will remember your courage.
We have to allow ourselves to know less to do more. My motto with news around the executive orders is get in, get out, get to work. I am not wasting my time being surprised, outraged, or horrified. I accepted his executive orders were going to be horrible, and I am focused on my task of fighting them.
This is not, however, permission to bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is happening if you aren't impacted. But reading article after article after post after reel about how horrifying the orders are is exactly what he wants you to do and renders you far too exhausted to push back. Get the information you need from a reliable source like Erin Reed or A4TE and then find out what you can start to do to respond and protect your community.
Okay, that's all for now folks! As always, please feel free to reach out any time to share some good news or request any resources and support. I would love to support you in any way I can.
With love and strength as we walk towards spring,
Ben
Great post, thank you! Also hi from a fellow Missourian!
Hope—that’s what I get from this. Thank you!