Pray With Your Feet
An interview with the founder of the St. Louis LGBTQ+ Faith Alliance!
When I moved to Missouri in 2020, I had very particular opinions about faith. I was a reform Jew, and I felt very affirmed by the Jewish community and more than a bit nervous around folks from other faith traditions.
But the more time I spent at the capital fighting for trans rights, the more those assumptions were blasted apart. I was new to the scene in 2023, but the pastors, priests, nuns, rabbis, and various other clergy had been organizing for years on all kinds of progressive and human rights issues. Now, houses of faith are some of my favorite spaces to speak because of how much passionate love and desire to spark change that folks bring into the room.
Still, I know these experiences are unique. For many, many LGBTQ+folks, there is a long, painful, even traumatized history with faith whether political, personal, or both. I’m not here to tell you you’re wrong for however you might feel—your experiences are yours.
But I am here to play my favorite game: popping the bubble! Let this interview with one of the founders of the Missouri LGBTQ+ Faith Alliance break down our binaries a little bit more.
Also, this is a super fun addition. During this interview call, Deb and I talked about how it might be fun to host an event together while I’m in St. Louis in a few weeks on June 22nd, and then we worked together with my favs at PFLAG to make it happen!
Come hang out, talk about hope, and eat some ice cream!!
Okay, let’s get into it!
Ben: Deb!! I am such a huge fan of the work that you all have been doing and I’m so excited for this interview. If Missouri taught me anything, it is the power of love in faith communities. And I’m so grateful for that lesson.
Deb: I know! I have heard from people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, and they’ll say to me, I had no idea there were people like you out there.
Initially, I’m like, “can I hug you?” And then almost right after that, I’m like, wow. What are we doing wrong where somebody says that to me?
What can we be doing better? And there’s a lot of work that we have to do.
Ben: And is that where the faith alliance comes in?
Deb: Yes! One of the first things that the Faith Alliance did, when we convened almost two years ago, was to have a real conversation about how some faiths, especially churches, have done horrible harm to people in the LGBTQ+ community.
We gotta put that in a statement. We know this, and we own it, and we own what has been not only done in the past, but what continues to be done. We are here to try and make a bridge and to let people know that not everybody that professes to be, whether you’re Christian or whatever faith, is anti LGBTQ+.
I think sometimes just having people from faith communities in the space where queer people show up is important because it’s sort of a reverse representation, if you will.
Ben: It does send a message! When I go to a pride festival, I love going to the section where the faith groups are, and often I meet people who are so excited to be there, like, “How glad I am to be here giving love, showing up to say, I am right here with you to give a glitter benediction!”
So take me back to that first meeting or the idea behind the LGBTQ+Faith Alliance. How did this all start?
Deb: I had been doing some affirming work first through free mom hugs. I was one of the people that sort of started the chapter in Missouri, and in the church I was attending at the time, I was leading a family support network of people who are family members of LGBTQ+ people. It was like PFLAG, but through faith.
I knew that there were other congregations in the Saint Louis area that were affirming and advocating for LGBTQ+ people in the community, but it didn’t seem like we were talking to one another. And I thought, okay. There’s gotta be a way to connect people better. I knew that there were some people showing up from Faith Communities in Jeff City, and I just thought there was a way for us to get together.
I knew Sister Nancy Corcoran because she had spoken at the church I was attending at the time to that family support network, and I reached out to Nancy for a coffee chat, and she was just so supportive. There was something on my heart, but sometimes you need somebody in front of you to say, go for this. That was sister Nancy.
(An addition from Ben for my non-Missouri readers that sister Nancy is a firecracker nun who is one of the most passionate allies I have ever met. One of these days, she’s getting her own piece here.)
Deb: And so I currently am a member of, if I may plug, Parkway United Church of Christ. We have a wonderful pastor there, Kevin Cameron. And he said, “let’s have the meeting here!” So on a Saturday we convened for a meeting, and it was kind of off and running.
That was in July, and then we figured out a structure. We started meeting monthly. We were lining up speakers to come to every other meeting. We alternate between virtual and in-person, and we always have an educational type speaker to talk to us at our meetings in person. I was lining those up and it just kept rolling and rolling, and more people were coming on board from good word-of-mouth. Before I knew it, there’s 25 congregations.
We base our work on four pillars: community outreach, advocacy, issuing of resources, and education. So, one of the first things we did was pride because I knew there were a lot of churches that were already showing up, but it’s not inexpensive to do prides. So we all shared a tent, and this coming year, we will be there with another ecumenical booth. There’s six different congregations all under one tent!
Ben: That’s so much fun!
Ben: I’m curious, between when you started and now, what has surprised you the most?
Deb: Honestly, I think it’s just been the way things have fallen into place. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m not a wallflower, but I would definitely describe myself as a happy introvert. To be the face of something is weird for me.
And so I often tell people, I’m just winging this y’all. But it all seems to fall into place somehow. Whether it’s planning an event or getting speakers, that kind of tells me that the higher power, whatever you recognize that to be, is saying, “good job, kid”, and helping this along.
I really feel like the spirit has been working amongst all of us. And what is so beautiful is that I see it speaking all different kinds of languages. Right? I mean, so many times, if you belong to a particular faith community, it’s really easy to think this is the way. But you’re putting the holy in a box. You’re not letting the full beautiful diversity of sacredness out. You know?
Ben: That’s so beautiful. Tell me more about that.
Deb: As an example, we had a big strategy meeting with PROMO [the Missouri group leading the charge in fighting for queer rights in the legislative, electoral, and deep canvassing spheres]. We had about 30 people of all different ages, different faiths. And I was so busy helping to pull the meeting together, I did not hear about the shooting that had happened in San Diego. And one of the Jewish members of our group, Phillip, wanted to offer support to one of the young people that was there who was Muslim.
It was beautiful to see Phil take the lead, in that moment for that person and then lead the whole group at the end of the meeting in a moment of silence for our Muslim siblings. And that’s a wonderful thing about this faith alliance is that people just step in to do the work that needs to be done either in the moment or, you know, in the larger picture. It’s just been a super beautiful, collaborative kind of experience, these past couple of years. And, as our diversity increases and more people come on board, it’s just gonna get even better.
Ben: That just fills my heart so much. I love Missouri. I want to dive a little deeper into some of the faith side of things. There are a lot of LGBTQ+ people who have a strong gut reaction to hearing about faith communities. They have a lot of fear or trauma or anger. What would you say to people who are carrying that fear or that trauma or that baggage with them?
Deb: I first want to say I hear that, and I acknowledge that fear. I hear what you’re saying, and I acknowledge the harm, and there are way more people of faith from various traditions that believe you’re perfect just the way you are, and you were made in God’s image, and you are sacred and holy and whole. And know, as we said in our statement of support, there’s no politician or pundit that can tell you anything different.
Ben: That’s so beautiful. Thank you so much.
Diving Deeper Into Allyship
Ben: How about for folks who are allies, who are religious, and who are holding this pain of I love my faith, I love my LGBTQ+community, and I hate knowing that when people hear that I’m religious, they get nervous around me. What would you say to somebody figuring out how to hold those things?
Deb: I just think it’s so important if you identify as a person of faith, whether you’re a member of a of a faith community or you’re a faith leader, It’s just important to find a way to to speak out against the Christian Nationalist movement that we’ve got in this country right now.
I would love more people of, progressive or even centrist faith communities to speak out. I don’t know if it’s a Midwest thing or what the deal is, but so many people are afraid. They don’t wanna offend anybody. I was raised on, you don’t talk about politics or church. Y’all those days are gone. They’re gone. If people who love the LGBTQ+ community are silent, then all the LGBTQ+ community hears is the hate.
And that’s why you have to somehow find your voice, whether that’s within your faith community or you reach out to organizations in your area and say “I’m a person of faith. I want to volunteer for your organization.”
I would just hope that people stop being afraid of alienating anybody and start praying with your feet.
Ben: YES!!!! I love that so much, my goodness. Get out there, and let’s do some work.
Deb: And it can start with something very simple. And then you kind of want to flow naturally to the next step because it just feels so hopeful.
Ben: EXACTLY!!! Empowerment really feeds on itself. I hate to say it, but we’re starting to come to the end of our interview here. How can folks support the work you’re doing?
Deb: We’ve got a raffle fundraiser going on right now until the 10th to support our work. Right now, any person of faith or organization that’s faith based or group that’s faith based can join the faith alliance. We don’t ask for any money. We just ask, be active. So one of the things we’re doing is two of our members donated an antique quilt raffle or an antique yo-yo quilt for us to raffle, and it’s online.
Ben: How can folks who are in Missouri join you all?
Deb: Right now, we are pretty much in this greater St. Louis area, and I know your folk are all over. But anybody can reach out to me with any questions or, you know, whether they’re from Missouri or anywhere. Our email is LGBTfaithalliance@aol.com. We’re old school.
Ben: Deb, this interview has been fantastic. It has solidly recharged my hope reserves. I am just so proud to have called Missouri home.
Deb: And I tell you, I’m a native Missourian, and this nonsense that’s going on right now, it just makes me so mad. This is not the Missouri I knew as a kid. I’d be happy with the purple Missouri back, and I think we can get there. I know so many people who want that.
As Katy from PROMO said last night, “If there’s only one thing you all get out of this meeting, I want you to know Missouri is winnable.” Yeah. And she made us repeat it a couple of times, but that’s what we’re going to try to help do.
Join us in Missouri!!
For all the folks in the MO/IL area, we’d absolutely love to have you join us for an evening of hope, history, and ICE CREAM! Monday, June 22nd, 7pm Central. Be there or be square! RSVP here and invite anyone who’s cool :)
RSVP: https://partiful.com/e/a4vRYJN7ImR8U070loHc
PS If you’re jealous this is in Missouri and not your city… reply to this email and we’ll make it happen! These are my favorite kinds of events, and I can be lured basically anywhere with the promise of ice cream.