The Election-Eve Guide to Feeling Okay
The races I'm watching, and HOW I'm watching them
“The election to save democracy” is feeling like a pretty exhausting refrain lately. Yet, here we stand again, on the eve of an “off season” election with mile-high stakes. Notably, tomorrow will not be the end of democracy. Tomorrow will not be the day that fixes all our problems either.
There will be elections tomorrow. There will be more work to be done on Wednesday. There will be more fights to fight on Thursday. There will be victories on Friday and painful losses on Saturday. We are still in it. We are always walking forward.
That said, there are many critical races that will give us lessons on strategy, messaging, and what shape our challenges are going to take in the coming months. In that spirit, I want to share a few things. I want to talk about what races I’ll be watching and who I trust to tell me about them, and I also wanna talk about how I’m going to be watching them. Because if you’ve been following me for more than a couple of minutes, you know I love to talk about intentional boundary setting with news, media, and social media.
What Races I’m Watching
Virginia
The first race I’m going to be watching is the race for Virginia governor. The Republican candidate has been campaigning almost entirely on a platform of transphobia. While that was unfortunately very effective for many races last November, the tides seem to be turning. Voters have bigger concerns about things like the cost of living and government authoritarianism, and Democrat Abigail Spanberger has done a great job circling back to the issues at hand without throwing trans people under the bus as some other democrats have done in the past.
This is a race that Republicans and Democrats alike are watching very closely. Republicans are watching to see if anti-trans scapegoating is still the flavor of hate of the moment. If it fails, it’s very possible that upcoming Republican campaigns and current Republican elected officials won’t have nearly the same focus on trans people going forward now that it won’t score them as many points. (While some are motivated by genuine christian nationalism, I think more are just trying to make sure their power is secure. Let’s show them it isn’t!)
Democrats, likewise, have gotten some guidance from centrist and right leaning Democrats and strategists and donors that they should abandon “controversial issues” like the transgender community (heavy and disrespectful air quotes only). If we lose this race, they will have good reason to believe that this guidance carries weight, that not capitulating on trans rights is what cost them the governor’s seat.
On a national level, the democratic party is currently being pulled in two directions. By Gen-Z and other progressive voters fed up with corporate greed, climate catastrophe, and attacks on marginalized communities, they’re being pulled to the left. By the droves of former republicans who hate trump, don’t explicitly hate minorities, but would like to follow more traditionally conservative economic and social policies, they’re being pulled to the right. Including the VA governor race, there are a handful of elections both in this race and in the upcoming midterms that will likely define which direction they decide to go.
(For the record, this is why a two party system is dumb. Both of those giant groups of people deserve to feel heard by their government or candidates, and trying to cram us all into one party means no one is happy).
New York City
The other race I’ll be watching very closely for similar reasons is the New York City mayoral election. A lot of people have a lot of mixed feelings about this, and I’m not necessarily going to wade into all of those. But I will say that this election seems to be bringing to a head something that I have been increasingly frustrated with over the past few years as a progressive Jewish transgender person.
There’s a lot of conversations around antisemitism when it comes to this race, and largely, those seem to me to be a very similar flavor of a right-wing-engineered boogeyman to get people to run away from progressive politics. I understand why people are talking about it, and I think it’s important to talk about antisemitism as it is a significant concern both within the right and the left. But that’s not what this is. This is a highly progressive candidate running for office focused on bettering the lives of the working class of New York City. His campaign has been marked not by division or debate on foreign policy, it’s been grounded in seeing the everyday people that keep the city running yet cannot afford to live there.
The quiet, ultra-wealthy donors are trying to figure out how to scare people away from voting for a democratic socialist, but they know that saying “we hate this guy because we will lose money!” will not be effective. So they find other reasons to tell people to be afraid of him. It’s exactly what they do with transgender people, and it’s exactly what they do with Jews. “I care about protecting children”. “I care about protecting Jews.” Why don’t you act like it then?
This race is a test of whether the boogeyman will work on more centrist voters. If Zohran wins this race, Democrats will have no choice but to reckon with the fact that the future of the Democratic party needs to include more working class people and more progressive politics. If we lose this race, they will get the message that if progressive politics can’t win in New York City they can’t win anywhere, and they’ll probably be right for a while.
Of course, there are also races that will have really important consequences in a more direct way, in particular, California’s prop 50 and the Pennsylvania Supreme Court election. There are a number of other governors and attorney generals up for election, and I’ll be keeping an eye on those as well. There’s no one I trust more than
, a fantastic publication studying data on progressive elections at every level of government. I’ll be checking the Downballot whenever I need updates, as well as the rest of the week to better understand what the results mean.Feeling Okay While we Wait
So these are the races that I’m going to be watching. But what do I mean by watching? How closely am I going to be following what’s going on there? The temptation is going to be strong. For me, it’s helpful to remind myself that my use of social media and the news was ultimately an addiction.
This means that in situations that are highly stressful, such as an election day, the impulses to find comfort, disconnection, and numbness through the use of social media are going to be much stronger than average. It’s going to be a day with a lot of cravings to check one more time. I should probably redownload this app so I know what’s going on. I just need to check one more time. I should turn my notifications on, just for today. Check just one more time?
But I have to also understand those impulses as largely harmful cravings that might bring me a second of relief followed only by a tumble down the rabbit hole towards anxiety, exhaustion, and depression.
Leaning on action
I talk often about engaging with social media and news with a specific focus on intention and action. I don’t like to know “just because”. My first question for myself will be, what actions can I take today? If you’re someone with a lot of time, consider seeing if any of those states with key races or your own state have phone banking or text banking opportunities to contact voters and make sure they remember that today is election day and to see if they need any help finding a good polling place. Personally, I’ll also be checking in with the people in my life who I know are registered voters in those key states to make sure each and every one of them has sent in their mail in ballot or is making a plan to attend the polls in person. I’m also going to see what
writes as her suggested actions on .And then, as terrible as it’s going to be, I’m going to sit with discomfort, and I’m not going to be constantly checking all day. I might write out a couple of times where I’m allowed to check-in and see how things are going, but most likely, that won’t be until I know the polls have closed. That’s going to be uncomfortable, but one of the things that’s gotten us into this mess, societally speaking, is our desire to run away from being alone with our thoughts or our discomfort or our fear for more than two seconds. That’s certainly how I ended up so addicted to scrolling my way out of my body.
It’s important that we know how to be uncomfortable. If we’re not able to be uncomfortable, we won’t be able to have complicated conversations with our friends or loved ones that actually change minds. We won’t be able to make sacrifices for issues that we care about. The discomfort that comes with listening to our thoughts, sitting with our worries is not pleasant, but it is important to be tapped into. So I’m going to acknowledge in advance that tomorrow is going to be uncomfortable.
Sitting in Discomfort
Then, I’m going to make a list of strategies that help me cope with that discomfort in a way that is emotionally healthy and not just running towards numbness or anger. So for me, that means:
I’m going to take an extra long trip to the gym to help me get out some of my nervous energy in a way that’s very physical.
I’m going to listen to the new Florence and the Machine album at least twice more.
I’m going to go for a long walk with my dog and either talk to a friend or a loved one or just get my body moving and feel the sun on my skin and think about the things that I love about being alive.
I’m going to give myself grace to take what I need. Tomorrow, maybe it means that I make a shorter to-do list than I usually would. It means that I fill the list with little projects that don’t require as much concentration.
I still set goals because if I tell myself that I don’t have to do anything tomorrow, it probably means I’m going to spend the day stressing or wallowing or some other activity that leaves me much worse off than it was before.
I’m also going to check in with the people that I love about how they’re feeling because I know it’s going to be stressful for them too. Whether it’s just a quick, love you, or I’m really proud of you to the friends that I know have been super involved in these campaigns.
I might also do some things that are gentle. I’ll probably allow myself to sleep in a little bit and spend a little extra time sitting and reading. Maybe I’ll make myself an extra delicious breakfast that takes a little bit longer than usual to cook but add some slowness into my morning.
I’m also probably going to spend tomorrow researching a whole lot of good news stories to include in a good news roundup that I’ll write at the end of this week that includes where we won in the elections.
Whatever it is that you do tomorrow, I hope you do so with gentleness and intention. I want you to remember that, ultimately, I’ll still be here either way. There will still be good news worth celebrating. There will still be things that frighten us. We will continue to survive. We will continue to fight. We will continue to win. Hang in there with me. Okay?
I’m proud of you. Don’t give up. Don’t forget to show up. Don’t forget that you’re not alone, and I’ll talk to you soon.
With love,
Ben
I wish we could all address our social media and news media addictions collectively. It needs done badly.