Trans Rights on the Road in Lithuania!!
I spent a week on a speaking tour of Lithuania, and I want to tell you about it! Alternative title: Hope is everywhere once you decide to look.
I have developed a variety of different reputations. And the one I think I’m most proud of is a professional bubble popper. My work regularly brings me to places where others assume I will find nothing but hate.
I’ve written about this many times before for places like North Carolina and Iowa. This time around is my furthest and big biggest bubble pop yet: Lithuania!
In 2023 at the PFLAG national conference, I met a wonderful new friend who was helping to run an organization titled “Mothers for LGBTQplus children”. We collaborated on a few virtual events and have stayed in touch over email. Last summer, she reached out to me to see if I might be interested in collaborating on a grant proposal to bring me to Lithuania. I excitedly agreed, and a few months later, we found out we’ve gotten accepted! With many thanks to the Baltic American Freedom Foundation, I would be bringing my expertise in trans inclusion to Vilnius, Lithuania.
Like I do before any trip, I started out with some google searches: “Lithuania transgender bathroom ban?” (okay on that front) “Lithuania anti-trans laws?” (mostly youth healthcare focused and a lack of affirming protections) “is Lithuania safe for transgender people?” (not a lot of violent crime, but it’s one of the worst ranked for inclusion in the whole EU.)
The results gave me a brief moment of pause. Truthfully, a result like that means very little to me at this point. Many of the places that I travel or the places that I’ve lived—like Missouri from 2020 to 2025—have been painted with the same broad stroke. The politics are regressive, end of sentence. I’ve seen how much people can survive, I know how to assess which laws are an immediate threat to my safety vs an immediate priority to fight back against, and I know that laws cannot possibly reflect the sentiments of an entire population.
So I boarded my flight a few weeks ago, sent the first three books of “Dungeon Crawler Carl” from my library to my kindle, and headed to the Baltics!
Immediately, I was surrounded with love. I travel a lot for work, and at this point it’s roughly a 50/50 split between work for corporations and work for parent groups. Let me tell you, I can feel the difference!! My posse of brilliant parent advocates weren’t just fantastic tour guides. They made sure I ate enough at every meal, called me to make sure I had my raincoat, walked me home every night, and made sure the entire trip went smoothly.
Getting to Work!
While I know I have lots of great wisdom to share, I also love to learn. I particularly love learning what changemaking and organizing look like in other places, which is why I was thrilled that the first official event of the visit was a gathering of leaders in the LGBTQ+ rights movement from across the country. Everyone shared what they were working on, what they were most passionate about, and what they needed help with.
What I love most about being in rooms like this is the understanding that we align deeply on values and goals while disagreeing strongly on strategies and priorities. While I might have strong opinions on what I think are the best strategies, I don’t have psychic vision so I don’t actually know what’s going to work. I think the more approaches we try at once, the better our odds of achieving the changes we’re working for.
There were folks in the room in medicine, psychology, education, media, government, and parents working hard to advocate directly for their trans kids and the kids that will come after them. I learned a lot from them, and I hope I was able to bring some of my helpful experience building coalitions in St. Louis.
The next day started out with a Jewish heritage tour around the city. Vilnius, like many, many other cities in Europe (and eastern Europe in particular) has a long, beautiful, tragic Jewish history that ends with some glimmers of hope as they rebuild and honor some of the historic sights. Much of my job, and many parts of my transition in general, can be frightening at times. My Jewish faith has often been a source of strength for me. This community has been politically disfavored (if I want to use delicate language here) for most of history, and yet our history is one that teaches me constantly about compassion, trust, resistance, grief, joy, and survival. There is something that feels beautiful about seeing the scars across the city of how badly they wanted to erase us and standing outside the boundaries of the ghetto, using my Jewish values to fight for a better world.
After a much needed siesta, it was time for…
The Main Event!
The next few days were absolutely packed with programming. We held four additional events, including:
A session on gender affirming healthcare for the medical school and healthcare professionals
A session on mental health challenges and support for the social work and psychology students
A session on the global history of the fight for trans rights and strategies for equality in the future for the general University students
A warm, intimate storytelling session for a group of parents of trans kids
The content for each was about an hour, and the Q&A lasted at least 40 minutes for each conversation. We got deep y’all. We talked about hope, science, fear, politics, and personal stories. Some people were joining who seemed to be engaging with the topic for the first time, which always feels extra meaningful to me.
In the final session, I even got to talk to some folks about how to start doing what I do (public speaking/advocacy) in Lithuania, and spoke with a very talented writer about their work in queer historical fiction! They told me they weren’t sure there’d be an audience for a YA queer historical romance. Want to help me prove them wrong? Check out this particularly tender piece :)
Because the sessions were livestreamed, we also had the privilege of reaching far more people than just those in the room. All in, we had participants join from Lithuania, Estonia, Moldova, Finland, Israel, Germany, Switzerland, and Slovenia, and at least 15 different wonderful local organizations. I won’t be able to see every change that this program made, but I know in my heart this meant something real.
The sessions were deeply meaningful to me, and I know I wasn’t the only one. In the evaluations, one parent shared,
“I am so glad to have met Ben, who, like my own child, is on a difficult journey of self-acceptance and self-discovery. I know how many challenges and struggles that entails. Such a warm connection. And respect! And admiration—the way he embodies the fact that life is colorful and possible in all its fullness; he’s such a person of hope.”
The night before my flight out of the country, my hosts treated me to a trip to a Jazz cellar to see a small Jazz concert. When my grandfather was alive, some of his favorite things in the world were traveling, Jazz, making new friends and enjoying a well-mixed cocktail. Sitting back with my new friends halfway across the world and listening to Jazz music without complaining (sorry about that, Grandpa) left me with a beautiful feeling of connection to him. That wasn’t a particularly queer experience, but I think it is a deeply human one.
In Summary
What an adventure. What a gift it is to be alive and to be able to meet amazing people who are genuinely passionate about building a better world literally everywhere. How could I have this job and be anything but hopeful! Let this trip, and this article serve as a reminder of some of my most deeply held truths:
1. It is almost always worth it to talk to each other, to seek to understand one another, regardless of what blanket assumptions you might be tempted to make.
2. There is no one right way to make change, and the more strategies we have, the better! What matters is you choose the avenue that you are most passionate about so you actually do it!
3. Grounding ourselves in history, both communal, global, and personal, give us the wisdom and the strength we need to push forward into the future.
4. Equality will not happen by accident. Connection will not happen by accident. Change will happen ON PURPOSE when we choose to be a part of it!
And finally, remember that just like we must choose involvement, we must also choose rest. Everything is urgent, so in some ways nothing is. I spent nearly every walk through the city using the Merlin app to identify the unfamiliar birds around me. I read my book during solo breakfasts even though I could’ve been catching up on emails. I demand and protect my time to be a human, and to connect with other humans, and this is what allows me to keep going.
A huge huge thank you again to the Baltic American Freedom Foundation, to Vilnius University and the VU School of Medicine, to Mothers for LGBTQplus children, and to Lina, Dovile, and Rūta in particular. I will leave a piece of my heart in Lithuania with you. Until the next time!
As a Lithuanian-American (who happens to live in NC), this makes my heart so happy! Both of the times I’ve lived in Vilnius and studied at VU were times of deep connection and warmth from my fellow students, my landlady, heck even the local grocer. I used to work in civil society development in the former Soviet Union, and this has largely been my experience across the region - there are good people fighting for human rights everywhere. I’m so glad that your trip, overall, was a positive experience!
What a fantastic adventure. I am so pleased to hear that your trip went so well. The Baltics are on my bucket list, which used to include Russia as part of the same trip until Russia regressed to the stone age.
You are an inspiration!