What Makes a Hero?
Deep down, many of us have a feeling that if things get truly "bad enough" our heroes will step in and fix everything. But no one is coming to save us, and it's time to stop waiting.
Hello there, beloved reader!
I’m moving slowly this morning. I spent most of the morning yesterday at a particularly terrible and beautiful hearing here in Missouri, and I’m giving myself plenty of space to rest, refuel, and re-ground myself before I dive back into work.
Later this week, I’ll write an article about how that went, but for right now I’m just sitting with a lot of gratitude for the community that surrounds me, and for this cherished ritual of sitting down to write about joy and good news no matter how the world looks.
I spent a long time grappling with the title for this article. Originally, I wanted to title it “what are our heroes up to?” and go over a review of all the truly amazing advocacy and activism happening around the country. But as I sat with this a little longer, I realized I wanted us to spend a little time thinking about what the word “hero” actually means to us. (Don’t worry, the second half of this email has a lot of good news packed in!)
For me, the idea of a hero brings a sense of calm—a deep down dream that at some point if things get truly bad enough, someone is going to step in and do something about it. When the pressure is on, the heroes emerge. Right?
So where is the threshold between human and hero? Is it in qualifications? Power? Courage? Some kind of genetic blessing?
Nope. It's a trick question. Heroes are just humans who realized that no one is coming to save us but us, and decided to step up.
Most of the pivotal moments in my life usually began with yelling "why won't somebody do something about this?!" at the world. I cried, I grieved, I feared, and then I got to work. I became my own hero over and over again when I realized no one was coming to do it for me.
So many of the people we see as heroes likely went through a similar process. It’s more than likely they didn’t feel qualified, didn’t feel ready, but they realized that no one else was coming in to save them. They stopped asking “why isn’t someone doing something about this?” and started asking “what can I do about this?”.
How can we all cross that threshold? How can we accept this heavy responsibility with grace, knowing that we may not ever feel “ready”?
How to become your own hero:
Let go of the idea that someone braver, smarter, or more qualified than you is coming to fix everything. I know. I don't like it either. It's okay for this to bring up some big feelings. In fact, it's natural. As we move through this process, it's important to hold the part of yourself that is scared—to imagine yourself face to face with your inner child and to say "I know this is frightening. I see you. I am here to protect you, now."
Conduct a skills and passions inventory: what are your superpowers? No one is asking the Flash to pick up a train, nor are they requesting the incredible hulk perform brain surgery. Our powers shape our missions. Think about the skills that you have, the things you're most passionate about, and then look for where you might put that to work.
Pick one battle at a time. Remember that time I said there's no difference between a hero and a human? Yeah. I meant that in a lot of ways. Including that every human needs to move at a pace that feels sustainable: this world will not be any better off because you used all your energy at once and burned out after 4 months of hardcore organizing for every issue imaginable. For more ideas of how to get started, check out this outstanding article on picking a "dragon quest". Perfect for the advocate-nerds among us. (me!)
Learn as you go. I am always in search of more to learn about how to be more effective as an advocate and as a human. I'm attending regular webinars with advocacy orgs to get a full picture of what's going on. I'm reading books grounded in the history of civil rights movements on how to make change. I'm surrounding myself with other advocates that I trust to push back on me when I'm being stubborn or need to look at another perspective or strategy. Everyone has something to teach me.
No one is coming to save us. Let this scare you, then let it empower you. That's how I got started!
What are some of my heroes up to?
Now, a recap of a whole lot of great news that you may have missed this week from a wide range of people who I view as heroes:
People using their power for good!
Every anti-trans EO is now being met with a lawsuit, some of them by multiple suits. A number of them have already been blocked (such as the prison order). This database does a great job tracking all the lawsuits against trump.
California and New York Attorneys General Remind Hospitals and Clinics of Anti-Discrimination Laws Amid Executive Order on Gender Affirming Care, urging them to continue providing necessary care to patients (2/5 & 2/3)
New Jersey courts have ruled in favor of trans students, blocking forced-outing policies in the state! (Erin in the Morning, 2/11)
School Districts around the country are refusing to follow the anti-trans executive orders targeting students and schools (truthout, 2/1)
While companies rolling back their DEI efforts are leading headlines, many companies are taking this moment to double down on inclusion. Dr. Bronner’s put out one of my personal favorite statements this week.
Some of our heroes on the frontlines:
There have been protests all over the country this week as trans folks and allies show up to tell hospitals to stand firm against Trump’s attacks on gender affirming care. (Erin in the Morning, 2/5)
Last week in Missouri, over 100 people showed up in person to testify against anti trans bills compared to 6 there in support. Parents, clergy, doctors, trans folks, and more showed up from all over the state. When you add in over 1300 pieces of written testimony, opposition to the bills made up almost 90% of the community response. Read more about my experience at the capitol here.
Some other good news:
This was, in fact, the gayest grammies ever!! (Them, 2/2)
There are so many stories you aren't going to get to hear. Parents who are greeting their newly-out kids with love. PFLAG chapters all over the country seeing surges in membership and volunteers. Planning meetings for small-town pride festivals. "Aha" moments at kitchen tables when folks take cautious first steps into allyship. I know the biggest headlines are often deeply frightening, but good queer news will always continue to happen.
Who are your heroes? I want to know about who inspires you and what they’re up to!
Until next time!
With love and strength,
Ben (and Chief Barketing officer Oliver, of course)
You are one of my heroes, Ben. Heroes don't and can't always fix everything. But they do rush into burning buildings and malicious State houses, despite the peril. Please take good care, for you inspire me to keep going.
I can't say that I've seen any heroes in my neck of the woods. For me, it will be people who aren't doing this as part of their income-generating jobs. It would be people who don't, because I was deeply affected by what I saw during the 1960's. I'm deeply affected by what I saw during the 1970's & 1980's when I was protesting in the streets for LGB rights. I am very aware that I am my own hero and must bring that out the best I can at this age. I've done my share of saving people and now I've got to step that up 10-fold.
I'm also dreadful when it comes to names, so even if I saw one, I would've forgotten their name unless I met them personally and got to speak with them. 🤣 I'm keeping my eyes on too many things at the moment and doing whatever writing I'm able to do.
Thank you for this. I'll be following some of the links to shine up my armor and sharpen my swords. 😁